Air
by Rochelle Allison
Summary: Edward and Bella meet at a summer barbeque. A story about - what else - falling for someone, hard. Once a WitFit.
1. Air

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

**_Air was originally a WitFit, and I had a couple of requests to post it as a stand-alone, the way I sometimes do. I like this one. It's not this epic, amazing thing but it's sweet. And you know I have a sweet tooth._**

**_So._**

* * *

Alice sat beside me, squeezing my knee. "Stop thinking about it, girlie."

"I can't." I sat glumly on the edge of my bed, eyeing my reflection in the mirror on the door.

Peter was one of my closest friends. He was gorgeous and talented and had mad style. We hung out constantly and had a ton of stuff in common. We'd been getting closer and closer over the past few months, and sometimes I swore I got vibes from him too.

But then Irina, one of our very best friends from home, came to visit Alice and me. I was cute enough but Irina? She was absolutely and stunningly beautiful. I was used to it – we'd all been friends since elementary.

Peter wasn't used to it though. He took one look at her and fell head over heels.

It just about gutted me.

To Irina's credit, she didn't give in to Peter's charms – out of respect for me. I could tell she was attracted to him too, but she and I had always adhered to the girl code: never go for your friend's crush.

The only thing that made me feel better was that Irina wasn't going to be around for too much longer; her flight back to Phoenix was in two days. Then Peter would have to get over his little infatuation. That was crappy though, too. Irina was like my sister and I hated being all petty and jealous.

Ugh.

"This isn't the first time," I told Alice. "There was Paul Brenner in tenth grade… and Jared senior year…"

Alice rubbed my back sympathetically. "Forget all that. We're gonna have a blast tonight with Jasper's friends."

"Yes, we are," Irina said, materializing out of the bathroom. She marched me over to the dresser and handed me a tube of mascara."Here."

* * *

Jake smiled down at me. He was handsome and very... gentlemanly. It was obvious that there wasn't anything going on between us, and that put me at ease.

He and Sam were friends of Jasper, this older guy Alice had recently started seeing. Jasper was hot, and with him came a whole new league of older friends and very cool parties. Rose and I usually tagged along, but tonight she was working. It was one of Irina's last nights, though, so we wanted to do something fun.

The guys were friendly and funny, ribbing each other and talking smack. The six of us played pool for a while, killing time at Jasper's before going to his friend's birthday barbeque.

"What's her name, again?" Alice asked.

We'd decided to walk. It was a warm summer night and the barbeque was only a few blocks away from Jasper's.

"Kate. She's cool, you'll like her. We went to school together," Jasper replied. He linked his arm through Alice's.

Jake smirked, offering me his arm, and then Sam gave Irina his, and we marched down the sidewalk that way, like we were at prom or something.

Kate's backyard was filled with paper lanterns of every size. They illuminated the space with a soft glow, cozy little planets we could reach up and touch. Apparently Jake and Sam knew this crowd too, and after making sure we'd been introduced and had something to drink, left to go mingle.

Irina and I found a hammock and began chatting, swinging gently back and forth. It felt good to just be with her, not having to worry about Peter or my awful envy. I loved her, and would miss her when she left.

"I really gotta pee," she said eventually, standing.

"Do you want me to go with you?" I asked, getting up also. "Or I could just grab a few more drinks and meet you back here…"

"Let's just do that."

We split up, and I made my way to the open bar. Night had fallen, and while the air was still warm it was no longer muggy. In fact, a nice breeze was blowing now.

By the time I turned to go back to the hammock with our drinks, I noticed two things. One, Irina had been gone for a while and two, other people were now in our spot.

"Damn." I shifted, looking around the party.

Alice was sitting on Jasper's lap, chatting and laughing with a small group. Jake looked like he was smoking up with a couple of guys in lounge chairs.

_Where the hell is Irina?_

"There's an empty seat right there, if you want."

I turned toward the unfamiliar voice.

"Oh…that's okay. I kind of like standing," I said, setting Irina's cup down on a nearby table.

"So do I," he said, his eyes on me for just a second before they flickered away. It was hard to tell, but I thought maybe they were blue, or green. He was good looking.

Like _really_ good looking, and definitely older than me.

"So… you're friends with Kate?" I asked.

"She's my sister."

"Oh, no kidding…" I took a better look at him. I could see it; they had the same creamy skin and coppery hair.

"Looking for family resemblance?" he asked, his voice lilting into a tease.

"Yeah." I nodded, smiling.

He was so, so cute. No, not cute – handsome. Classic. The kind of face you saw in magazines and movies, but understated. I could have easily come and gone and missed him altogether.

"I'm Edward."

"Bella." We shook hands. "We came with Jasper, Jake and Sam."

"Ah, Jasper," he said, shaking his head as he brought a bottle of beer to his mouth. "He's a trip."

We chatted until another girl wandered over and started talking to Edward. She was nice enough, but I wasn't really a part of their conversation so I faded into the background again, wondering what had happened to Irina.

And then I saw her, talking to some guy. Not surprising.

Well, this was awkward. I'd liked talking with Edward but truthfully, he felt a bit out of my league. It wasn't just his looks, but his age; I felt kind of young talking to him. Everyone here was like that, even though they'd all been friendly enough. The adolescent urge to be _cooler_ somehow, more mature, washed over me.

I wondered what Edward thought of me, if he thought anything at all. I snuck another glance at him. His conversation seemed to be wrapping up.

"What was your name again?" he asked suddenly, looking intently at his bottle.

"Bella."

"Bella," he repeated. "Well, Bella, looks like your friend has found my brother."

We looked back to where I'd spotted Irina.

"Your brother? How many of you are there?"

"Four. Two boys, two girls."

"And you're all here tonight?"

"Everyone but Siobhan. She lives in Maine."

"Oh, okay." I realized I'd finished my drink.

Rose texted me, asking where we were so she could bike over once her shift was over. I put my cup down so I could message her back, hoping Edward didn't walk away while I did.

* * *

Two in the morning.

A lot of people, including Jake and Sam, had left. That was cool, though. I had a mellow little buzz going.

Alice had Jasper and Irina had Riley, The Brother.

I had a bit of a crush on the mysterious Edward. We'd chatted on and off throughout the evening, but he was difficult to read. A couple of drinks had loosened me up, though, and damn –I wanted him to _notice_ me. He was appealing. Sexy.

Really sexy.

I wondered if he had a girlfriend. Guys like that were either taken or about to be.

"Ready to go?" Alice slurred, holding on to the tip of Jasper's t-shirt.

"I guess." I looked around for Edward. He was sitting in the hammock now, talking to the birthday girl – his sister Kate.

I wanted to say goodbye, but I didn't. Almost…couldn't, like I was incapacitated by nerves and awkwardness. I reluctantly followed my friends out of the backyard, single file through the alley leading to the front.

The empty neighborhood street was dappled with streetlights and shadows. Irina had pulled Riley out of the party and they were in the middle of the road now, swaying, almost dancing. Even drunk, she was graceful.

I began to feel antsy. I knew I might not ever see Edward again. We most certainly did not run in the same circles.

So when Irina came over to me –asking what I needed because she knew me and could see that I was having a moment – I leaned in close to whisper in her ear, brimming with liquid courage.

"Tell Riley to bring his brother."

She smiled brightly. "Okay."

I watched her hurry back to Riley, and then watched him duck back down the alley.

Maybe that wasn't the best idea. What if he said no?

A couple of seconds passed. Someone jumped on Rose's bike and started doing wheelies, their laughter echoing down the street.

Who was I kidding… of course he'd say no. Crap, the anxiety was just about killing me and I was seriously considering hunting Riley down when he emerged from the house with Edward right behind him.

He looked at me and walked over, his expression different than before.

Accessible.

We all began to walk then, meandering and happy and summertime-free, Rose riding by in loops, her bicycle glinting in the moonlight.

Edward and I didn't talk. We just walked side by side, stealing glances, catching smiles.

I wanted to touch him. I couldn't wait.

* * *

**_Not sure about the posting schedule yet..._**

**_xoxo_**


	2. Fizzy

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

_these chapters aren't beta'd, by the way._

* * *

Her eyes were intense. She never looked away while we talked.

Carmen was a nice girl. An attractive girl.

But intense.

She was smart too, smarter than me. Working on her PhD now.

Her eyes looked almost black.

Our families were close; I'd known Carmen for most of my life. She wanted me but she was subtle. And patient, apparently.

I liked her, just not the way she liked me.

Kate called her away and I finished my beer, making sure to toss it in the proper recycling receptacle. My sister was nothing if not thorough when it came to these things and I wasn't going to be picking through trash in the middle of the night because some asshole had stuck paper with bottles or bottles with garbage.

Worse yet if I was that asshole.

Kate had just turned thirty two. Most of her friends were here, and most of mine too. That's how it ends up when you live in the same city your whole life. I didn't mind it. The Bay Area was vast and multifaceted; boredom was an impossibility. Besides, there were always new faces. If you got bored with the folks you'd known since back in the day there was always a steady stream of people just coming or just going.

I was manning the grill, catching up with Kate's fiancé Garrett when I heard a raucous laugh that could only be Jacob Black's. Looking over my shoulder, I saw the group he'd just arrived with. My boy, Jasper Whitlock, attached to that cute, tiny girl he'd been seeing. Sam and Jacob. And two girls I didn't recognize.

They looked young, like Jasper's girl, probably her friends. He'd always gone for younger girls.

I didn't. There was no aversion; I just dated the girls I was around and most of them were my age. Like Carmen. Or Lauren. I didn't want to think about her though. She had no problem getting over the two years we'd been together and I was at the point where I was over it too.

It had been a while though.

So. Jasper. Had to hand it to him, he always did find the pretty ones.

I laughed to myself, turning my attention back to Garrett and the grill, back to flipping burgers and kabobs.

* * *

"You're doing it wrong," I remarked, watching Riley pour the beer from his bottle. "If you don't tilt the glass it gets fizzy."

"Shut up, Edward," he chuckled. He listened, though.

My eyes wandered back to the two girls on the hammock. They were by themselves now, having branched off from Jacob and Sam. Maybe they weren't together, then. It had been hard to tell initially, coming in all paired up.

"You want another one?" Riley asked.

I shrugged. "Sure. In a bottle."

We talked for awhile. He was four years younger than me but we'd gotten closer as we'd gotten older. When I started my own construction company several years before, he'd been the first to support me, defending my choices to my parents. They loved me but had always harbored fantasies of my becoming a doctor like Dad, Siobhan and Kate. It took a while and a lot of discussion – arguments – but they got on board eventually.

Riley handed me my beer. "You see Jake?"

"Yeah. He came with Jasper earlier."

"What's up with that, you think?"

"What? The girls?"

He nodded, grabbing a brownie.

"I don't know."

"I'm gonna go talk to that one," he said, putting the beer and uneaten brownie down and wiping his hands. I watched, amused, as he made his way through the crowd, stopping sometimes to talk before continuing on. Riley had no problem getting girls but this one was exceptionally pretty.

"Got a light?"

Jasper.

"No, man, I quit."

"Me too," he sighed, shaking his head. "I thought I saw you smoking earlier."

I smirked. "You did."

He laughed. "I know how that goes. It's worse when I drink."

I nodded, leaning against a tree. "How're things going with your girl?"

"Alice is great. So easy, you know? Being with her is easy."

"That's good. About time you settled down."

"Not all of us are serial monogamists," he snorted. "Sorry."

"Apparently," I said, smiling. It was true. I didn't date. I was either in a relationship or I wasn't. I'd always been that way. "I think she's looking for you."

Alice stood nearby, her eyes searching in the dim light.

"Ah well. No smokes for me. Later, man." He clapped a hand on my shoulder and left.

The brunette who'd come with Jacob walked over to the open bar. She was a pretty girl, my type. Definitely young, how much younger I couldn't tell. Long, shiny brown hair and dark eyes. Pale skin and rosy cheeks, probably from drinking.

Girls like to stick together. I know this because I have two older sisters, and I noticed the second the brunette saw her seat had been taken and her friend was nowhere to be seen. She faltered, a red cup in each hand.

"There's an empty seat right there, if you want."

She turned toward me, her eyes barely meeting mine before she looked away. "Oh…that's okay. I'm kind of like standing."

Now she was looking at me. I liked her face, her mouth.

"So do I," I said, breaking eye contact. Riley looked like he was doing okay; the friend was smiling at him now. They were standing closer.

"So, you're friends with Kate?" the brunette asked.

I hid a smile; she was checking me out now.

"She's my sister."

"Oh, no kidding…" She looked me up and down.

"Looking for family resemblance?" I teased.

Her cheeks turned pink and she smiled. "Yeah."

Enough of that. "I'm Edward," I said, extending my hand.

"Bella." We shook hands. "We came with Jasper, Jake and Sam."

"Ah, Jasper. He's a trip." And he really was. You don't grow up with someone and not know their dirty secrets.

Just then Carmen came over and got a bottle of water out of the cooler.

"I think we're going to get going soon," she said, looking meaningfully at me. "My parent's thirtieth is tomorrow, so we're heading out …"

Her words faded into background noise. I liked talking to the brunette and I wanted to continue. I hoped she wouldn't leave.

For the first time ever, I found Carmen's insistence on engaging me in conversation irritating . I didn't hear half of what she said. I downed half of another beer, angling my body away from her. Speaking of beer, this stuff was crap. Who'd bought light beer? Probably one of Kate's friends. They were all obsessed with calories. I eyed the brunette in my peripheral. She had a cute body, a great ass. I imagined sliding my hand into her back pocket, cupping my hand around one of her cheeks…

"… but I told her that wasn't fair. Why should we get Dad his favorite but not Mom? You know? It's their anniversary, as in, the both of them…."

I tuned out again. The brunette looked uncomfortable now. She'd spotted my brother chatting up her friend.

"Well, have fun with that. Give them my love," I said smoothly, squeezing Carmen's hand.

Carmen grinned, not seeming to notice how abruptly I'd ended our conversation. "Okay, Edward. See you soon."

I turned back to the brunette, realizing I'd already forgotten her name.

"What was your name again?"

"Bella."

"Bella." I made sure to keep it in mind. "Well, Bella, looks like your friend has found my brother."

She looked back to Riley, surprised. "Your brother? How many of you are there?"

"Four. Two boys, two girls."

"And you're all here tonight?"

"Everyone but Siobhan. She lives in Maine."

"Oh. Okay."

She seemed bored suddenly and it occurred to me that maybe she was humoring me the same way I'd been humoring Carmen. Her phone was in her hand.

A friend of mine smiled and waved me over so I left Bella to her texting.

* * *

It was late.

Garrett was walking around, mingling and blowing out candles while Kate and I relaxed in the hammock, talking about the good ol' days.

Riley passed by, stopping and bending to hug Kate.

"Heading out?"

"Yeah, I've been… asked to go somewhere," he said, grinning.

I glanced over at the girl he'd been with all night, Bella's friend. She was hovering nearby, smiling shyly.

Lucky bastard.

"Have fun, man," I said, bumping fists with him. "You driving?"

"Nah, walking. They live a few blocks away."

"Call me if you need a ride later," I said, wondering how my little brother always got himself into these ideal situations. It was ridiculous.

It would've been nice to talk to Bella a little more. We'd crossed paths all night, talking here and there, nothing substantial. Just one of those things. I'd probably never see her again.

Riley reappeared after a few minutes.

"Edward."

I looked up at him, stilling the hammock's movement with my foot.

"They want you to come." He smirked.

Bella wanted me to come.

Well, well.

I helped my sister stand with me.

"Behave yourself." She sighed, kissing my cheek.

I followed Riley out of the yard, through the dark path leading out to the street.

Bella stood at the edge of her group of friends, twisting her hair. She let go of it when she saw me and came toward me, her eyes dark and huge. Like an unspoken command had been issued, we all started walking down the street.

She looked really good. And by how she was looking at me, she was thinking the same thing.

* * *

_**epov will be sporadic; not every other chapter. sometimes he just doesn't want to talk, and sometimes he's Chatty McChatterson.**_


	3. Champagne

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

It wasn't that long of a walk.

Or maybe it was.

I couldn't tell.

I couldn't tell because, besides being tipsy still, I was very distracted by Edward. I wanted desperately to seduce him. It was the strangest thing; when we'd first started talking back at the barbeque, I'd noticed his looks. I'd felt the instant attraction. But it had been subtle. It had crept up on me.

And now I was hyper-aware, my skin almost raw with his nearness, anxiety effervescing up through my belly like champagne bubbles.

Irina and Riley walked ahead, their hands clasped and swinging between them. Behind me, I could hear the hushed giggle-whispers of Alice and Jasper's response in deeper undertones. Rose could have been home already but there was no fun in that so she continued to ride loops around us and through us, her earphones plugged in.

And then there was me. And he. Not touching, but connected nonetheless, connected by this _knowing_.

Knowing we were probably going to hook up.

Back at the house Jasper rolled a spliff. We settled on the floor and smoked it down and then everyone dispersed, leaving Edward and I on the carpet in the living room, lying flat and looking at the ceiling. If I wasn't high it might have been awkward but I was so it wasn't.

"Do you… want to go to my room?" I asked after a while.

All right, so that was a little awkward.

"Lead the way," he said, standing up slowly.

I got to my feet and made my way down the hall, the darkness making Edward's presence behind me feel sexy and secret.

He followed me inside and wandered to my wall, gazing at the posters and pictures. I had these little Christmas lights I kept up all year round and they were on now, silently casting the room with a golden glow. I didn't think anyone would come in but I quietly locked the door anyway, trying not to focus on how heavy my heart was beating.

He seemed really into the stuff on my wall. I stood back, unsure of what to do in my own damn room. I put my shoes into the closet and then he was behind me, his hands on my waist, his breath tickling through my hair.

A wave of wanting surged through me.

I turned around, craving his mouth but he didn't kiss me right away. His fingers trailed up and down my sides, making me shiver and squirm inside.

I couldn't look at his face; didn't know if he was looking at mine.

_So nervous._

He widened his hands and spread them over my back, drawing me closer.

And it occurred to me that this was my room, and that _I_ had brought _him_ to it.

He was waiting for me.

I led him to my bed and pulled him down with me and then our mouths connected, hungry and open and warm. He gave me his tongue so I gave him mine and good God kissing had never been this hot.

I let him take my clothes off and it was when I lay naked beneath him I noticed a lot of his clothes were still on, his jeans and undershirt.

He hadn't stuck his fingers anywhere but his lips were at my neck and I could hear myself panting and feel myself arching up, seeking his body.

He hitched my leg over his leg, opening me to him.

"Are you sure we should do this?" I asked, my fingers deep in his hair.

He stopped cold.

"Usually when girls ask that it means they don't want to." He wasn't even mean about it. Just really to the point.

_True..._

"I'm… sorry. I…" I didn't know what to say.

He didn't seem put off, though, and then I was glad I hadn't just...done it. I wanted him, but I'd never slept with someone the first night I'd met them.

We got underneath the covers and then I passed out.

* * *

Naked.

That was my first thought upon waking: my realization that I was completely naked.

Next I noticed Edward. He was walking around my room, examining the things hanging on the wall again. I watched him for a moment, noting how odd and out of place he looked.

As if he knew I was awake he turned to me. His movements were always so languid, like he lived his life without emergency.

"I'm going to have to go soon," he said, running his hand through his hair. "Riley has things to do… and so do I."

I nodded, covering myself with a sheet as I sat up.

Now I was glad I hadn't slept with him, even though he'd seen me up until ten seconds ago completely in the nude.

And even though he was even more beautiful by daylight.

His eyes were green.

"Can I have your number?" he asked.

That was the last thing I'd expected him to say; I'd assumed he was being polite until he could escape. I really couldn't tell if he liked me that much. Not in that way.

I stared at him, shocked he'd want to see me again.

"You want my number?"

"Yeah."

"Okay…"

I got up, wrapped in the sheet, and jotted down my number on a scrap of paper. Then, emboldened, I asked for his.

His eyes were so pretty up close. He blinked in the early morning light streaming through my blinds, like it hurt to be awake. It kind of did. I had no idea what time we'd actually gone to sleep or what time it was now that we were up.

"Edward?"

His eyes found me again, warming me with their attention.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty nine. How old are you?"

My stomach flip-flopped. "Nineteen."

He nodded, pocketing my number.

* * *

He was on my mind a lot after that.

We made the most of Irina's last days in town, even though she managed to squeeze in time for Riley. I battled with asking him about Edward, not wanting to seem juvenile or desperate.

Eventually I gave up and asked, and he told me to call him.

So I did. It went to Edward's voicemail and I left a brief message. Seconds later the phone rang back.

"Hello – Bella?"

"Um…yeah. It's me. Hi. How's things?"

"Fine. I'm glad you called, I lost that paper with your number."

"Oh, that's – that's fine."

"I want to know when I can see you again."

"Whenever you want." And I cringed. _Ouch, Bella_.

"How about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow's good." I nodded, as if he could see me through the phone.

"I'll pick you up. Around nine. I'm not punctual."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye." I hung up, smitten silly, smitten stupid.


	4. Military

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

I slowed to a stop and jumped off my bike, leaning it against the wall while I unlocked the gate that led to our courtyard. Once open I walked the bike inside and let the gate close again, self locking with a heavy click.

Fourteen apartments, two stories. Each one had its own people, its own smell.

The smell of curry wafted divinely from upstairs – Ms. Rachel's place no doubt. Laundry detergent, basil, cigarettes, something floral… like I said. Every place had its own thing going on.

I had things to do: reading for a class, research for a thesis, emailing my mother.

Shaving my legs.

He'd said he wasn't punctual. I was. I lived life with near military precision; my bedroom was neat, my study habits were impeccable and I always clocked into my job at the local Whole Foods on time. I'd always been that way.

Wandering into my room, I dropped my backpack and kicked off my shoes. I looked at the posters and snapshots Edward had been checking out, trying to see them through his eyes.

What had he thought of them? Of me?

Obviously something good if he'd asked for my number.

* * *

Around quarter to ten my phone rang.

Rose made a face and peeked out the window, holding the blinds aside.

"Hello?"

"Bella, hi. I'm outside."

"I'll be right out."

I ended the call and tossed the phone into my purse.

"Wasn't he supposed to be here at nine?" sniffed Rose, watching me get my shoes on.

"He told me he'd be late. Don't trip."

"Whatever," she sighed, walking back in to the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes. That was Rose - loyal, protective and a judgmental pain in the behind.

"Have fun, babe." Alice winked, holding the door open for me as I walked out.

"I will, Al. Thanks."

It was a little chilly tonight, so typical of Oakland. I loved it. Summer meant warmer days, rarely hot, and comfortably cool nights.

Edward's truck was idling on the curb. It was big and yellow and rusty. Hideous, a tank - sturdy, like it would win in an accident.

He didn't even look like he'd drive a vehicle like that. But then again, maybe he did.

Jeans, frayed a little at the bottom. Old tee shirt. Jacket. A kangol on his head, hair just so.

Damn. He was certainly something to look at.

My heart took a nose dive; he was so out of my league. And yet there he sat, waiting for me.

He smiled when I got in. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Sorry I'm late." His eyes took me in, lingering at the hem of my skirt. It was Alice's, and it hit a couple of inches above the knee.

"I doubt that. You'd said you'd be..." I put my seatbelt on, trying not to fidget unnecessarily.

He smiled a little. "Ready?"

"Yep."

He put the ancient beast in drive and swung it into the flow of traffic.

* * *

We made small talk; chatting about our day. I'd worked a morning shift and then had one class. He'd been in the Berkeley Hills all day, working on a multimillion dollar house for some software sweetheart.

We drove for a little while. The city lights began to fade and grow distant as we climbed high into the hills.

"Where are we going?" I asked. I had a skirt on. And heels. Not high heels, but like, sandals with heels. I'd just assumed we'd do dinner or a movie or something.

"Grizzly Peak. There's someplace I want to show you."

"Okay," I said, feeling uncertain now. I really hoped there wouldn't be in the dark shenanigans. I'd have opted for sneakers and jeans had that been the plan.

When we got to Grizzly Peak, high in the hills, Edward pulled off and parked. He opened my door for me and then grabbed a six pack of Sierra Nevada from the back.

"Come on."

I grabbed his arm and held on for dear life, hoping I wouldn't fall in the near blackness.

Soon we came upon a rock. No, not a rock… a boulder.

"You go up first, and then I'll give you the beer."'

I stared at him. "You want me to climb? In a skirt?"

"I didn't know you'd be wearing a skirt."

"I didn't know I'd be mountain climbing." But I slid my shoes off and started climbing, feeling for footholds and crevices. Edward helped me, steadying my legs and even my thighs.

He'd seen me naked so, I guess it wasn't that big of a deal.

Still, I wondered if he was looking at my panties. Or if he could even see them in the dark.

I made it up without incident and reached down for the beer. Then Edward scaled the rock and plopped down next to me. The top of the rock was hollowed out somewhat, giving it a cave-like feel. In front of us though, there was a sheer drop. I shivered, not wanting to imagine either of us taking the wrong step.

But I had to admit, the view was breathtaking. We could see the Bay and the bridges, and the San Francisco skyline. Visibility was at its best thanks to the clean, crisp air.

"Wow." I breathed in appreciatively.

"I know. We used to come up here all the time. Sometimes I still do. I don't think people really know about this," Edward said, popping open the first beer with his lighter and giving it to me.

"Thanks for showing it to me," I said.

"You're welcome." He opened a beer for himself and took a swig. "So. Bella. What's your last name?"

We talked for hours.

The way down was easier than the way up, thankfully. This time Edward led the way, offering to go first so he could assist me once more. We'd become rather easy going in the past three or so hours and I no longer felt shy about him having his hands on me. He just didn't seem to be that way.

I mean, I could tell he wanted me. But he wasn't pervy or impatient. He sort of gave off the vibe that he was used to getting what he wanted but that he didn't mind waiting for it.

I liked that. I mean, yeah. I liked _him._

I could feel it starting, the beginnings of a true crush. More than a crush, maybe.

"You want to come back to my place?" he asked once we were back in the truck.

I chewed my lip, gazing out the window. I did want to. I wanted him to kiss me. Maybe more. But I wasn't sure that going home with him would send the right message.

"I don't expect you to… do anything," he said, correctly reading my hesitation. "We can just hang out. I'll bring you home whenever."

"Okay," I agreed. I didn't know if that was true or not. Not from his side - I trusted him to behave.

It was me I worried about.

His house was in a neighborhood a couple of miles from mine, and it was medium sized and messy. He looked like he had a thousand projects going on, tools and nuts and screws and blueprints everywhere.

"I'd apologize for the mess, but… this is the way it is. I'm always working."

"That's cool," I said honestly. I personally couldn't deal with my living space being disorganized but I didn't care what other people did. This was obviously a passion and a livelihood for him. I liked that he had things he was so sure about.

"Have a seat," he said, offering me the couch. He continued on to the stereo and put some music on, real low and mellow. "You want another beer? Or some water or something?"

"Water would be great."

He returned with a bottle for me and one for him.

We started chatting again, this time me asking a hundred and one questions about Oakland and Berkeley, the school system, what it had been like growing up here. He had so many stories to tell, and I loved hearing him talk.

I loved his smile and the way he shaped his words.

* * *

My phone said 4:06.

Yikes. It was late. I didn't have work or class the next day, thankfully, but still.

I washed my hands and left the bathroom.

Our conversation had drifted to a natural lull, and I was finally feeling a bit sleepy.

Edward stood in the doorway of the living room. "Tired?"

"Yeah…"

"You want to stay?"

I blushed, looking down. "I don't know."

And then he was in front of me, tipping my chin up. "Don't tease me."

He kissed me deep, his tongue finding mine right away. We'd been so chaste all night, nothing but looks and laughter and sometimes a brushing of hands… this was unexpected and yet so anticipated.

"Will you stay?" he asked again, and whether he said the words or not there were propositions in his tone.

"Yes," I whispered.

He slid his hands up under my skirt and squeezed. "Come on."

We went to his bedroom and fell on the bed, kissing like we'd done at my house. This time he pushed his knee between my legs; the roughness of the denim against my bare inner thighs felt good. He played around my waist and hips and then slid my panties down, off my legs.

Suddenly he lay back, bringing me with him. He maneuvered me so that I was kneeling over his face, a leg on either side. I choked back a gasp; no one had ever done that to me. Not like that.

But then his mouth was on me and his tongue was hot and wet. His hands were all over me too, squeezing me and kneading the skin.

I keeled forward a little, trying to find something to hold on to, and flattened my palms against the wall.

He sucked and licked and fingered till I came.

"You gonna let me?" he asked, his voice sounding dreamy and far.

"Yes." I sighed, breathless and a little dreamy myself, and pulled off my shirt.

* * *

_thanks for the reviews, guys. i love hearing what you have to say. xoxo_


	5. Ribbon

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

_not beta'd_

* * *

I scooted back and sat so I could take my skirt off.

Edward hadn't even turned off the lights. They weren't horrifically bright or anything, but I could see everything and so could he. Maybe he liked it like that. Or maybe he didn't notice or care.

Edward pulled his shirt up over his head and kicked his jeans off, making his hair even messier; I wanted to stick my fingers in it. I began to lay back, my heart pounding and my stomach almost sick with nervousness and anticipation and surprise that I was even considering doing this, but he pulled me up again and sat me on his lap.

He was bigger than me, so much bigger, and he didn't seemed to have any issues moving me around like a rag doll, arranging me how he wanted me, placing me so that all I had to do was sit up a little and put him inside. Again, I wasn't used to being on top, but I guess he liked that.

I didn't know if I liked it like that. I supposed I was about to find out.

He rolled a condom on and wrapped his hands around my hips, gripping me. I knelt and moved forward a little before sitting on his dick. He slid right in. It was almost uncomfortable, it was so deep.

"God, that's good," he grunted, undulating beneath me, inside me.

I started to move, rolling my hips and squeezing him as I did. He met me move for move, his hands guiding my hips, his breathing as heavy and rhythmic.

He thrust up, and it was so deep it felt like he was going to do damage. I'd never, ever been with someone like him. Not someone who moved like he did, screwed like he did, was as…well endowed as he was. I paused, pushing against his chest as I got off of him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I said, trying not to sound shy. The time for that was long gone, seriously.

He let me lay down on my back and then he entered me slowly, like we were making love. And it was different, so different. His face was close to mine so I kissed him and he kissed me back, penetrating me with his dick and his tongue, filling me over and over until he shuddered and groaned and came.

He collapsed on to me, panting. I held him close, loving the feeling of after sex snuggling, but also being wary of it. It was manufactured, an artificial sort of closeness. It left an empty little hole in my heart, just thinking about what I'd feel like once he got up.

* * *

My eyes flew open.

Edward was crushing me with his weight.

He had fallen asleep inside me.

"Hey," I whispered, pushing at him. "Hey!"

"Huh?" He lifted his head, blinking sleepily down at me.

"You need to go take that thing off before it spills," I said, squeezing him down there so he'd get the hint.

"Yeah…" He pulled out carefully and got off of me, walking slowly into the bathroom.

Shivering, I burrowed down deep below the covers. His bed was really, really comfortable.

In the morning, he woke up first. I guess that's what he did – get up super early every day.

"You want to get breakfast?" he asked, sitting fully dressed on my side of the bed.

I was always sort of surprised when he wanted to make dates, to spend more time with me.

"I would, yeah."

He nodded, dropping my panties on to the sheet with a smirk. "Ten minutes."

He left me alone to get dressed.

Oh, man. Ten minutes? I looked like crap; total walk of shame material - not that Edward lived anywhere near a college campus. I dressed quickly, fretting over my hair. I hadn't planned on staying out so I hadn't tied it back the night before. No rubber bands or ribbons to tie it back with.

It was a gorgeous day, the sky robin's egg blue, the clouds light and full of popcorn clouds. We rode with the windows down, filling the cab with mellow late morning breeze. It put me in a great mood, replacing the uncertainty with a quiet joy at just being alive on a perfect day. There were no texts on my phone but I sent one to Alice and Rose both, informing them that I'd be home a little later.

The servers at the restaurant all seemed to know Edward so we were seated almost immediately. I tried not to feel weird next to all of these pretty waitresses, many of who whom were chatting up Edward. He remained polite but aloof, and I appreciated that.

We both got omelettes; Denver for him, California for me. Suddenly I was famished. The moment our food arrived I dug in, relishing the rich and savory and salty and sweet. At one point a small bit scrambled egg dropped to my thigh. Edward reached right over and plucked it up, popping it in to his mouth before I could even react, then continued on like nothing happened.

He didn't really do small talk. In fact, we ate in near silence, only stopping to comment here and there. I sort of liked it. It gave me a chance to think, sort things in my head.

Back at my house, though, he kissed me good before leaving. We were on the sidewalk and he tugged me to a stop, holding my face between his hands.

I blushed and warmed, thinking of eggs and toast and how long this would last.


	6. Twister

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

Alice was curled up on the couch, her legs tucked beneath her. She tended to mix her coffee with hot chocolate.

Rose stood beside her, her silk bathrobe barely closed with a sash. You'd think she would take her coffee black or something, but no. She said she wanted it to taste like melted ice cream, and she added enough milk and sugar to achieve that.

They were both watching me, identical expressions on wildly different faces.

I shrugged, feeling deliciously dirty in my clothes-from-last-night.

"So what… you played checkers all night?" snarked Rose.

"Charades!" Alice said.

"Taboo," Rose said, waggling her eyebrows.

"Twister," giggled Alice, setting her mostly full coffee mug down so she wouldn't spill it. Even Rose cracked up at that one.

Smiling, I crossed my legs primly. "Actually, he hit it so deep he put my ass to sleep."

Alice's jaw damn near hit the ground but Rose came right over, cackling gleefully and holding her hand up for a high five. "That's what I'm talking about."

It was crude, and I knew that, but it was true. And these were my girls. We always got silly like this; there had been many a "morning after" pow wow in our living room. Not that we were slutty. Okay, well… Alice could be a little too friendly, but none of us were nasty. We were just... college girls I guess.

Rose in particular loved a good sex story.

So I told them. With details. Alice liked hearing about brunch. Rose liked hearing about Edward sitting me on his face.

"You're so red right now," she remarked, smirking as she sipped her coffee.

"Yeah, well." I stood up. "I need a shower. No comments, please and thank you."

I ignored the Peanut Gallery as I made my way down the hall and to my room to toss my bag inside before heading to the bathroom.

It was impossible not to think about Edward. I wanted to see him again.

And again, and again.

I shivered, washing my body. I was definitely a little sore; it had been a while. I peered down, squinting in the steam, surprised to see tiny twin bruises high on my inner thighs.

Right where his hips would have hit.

Again and again.

* * *

Yawning, I stored my till in the back room safe and shut the door, pleased that I was done with that part of my shift. All I had to do for the next couple of hours was walk around the store, putting things away, bagging and being a slacker, basically.

Even though I preferred morning shifts because then I got the rest of the day off, I often took night shifts because of morning classes. I loved working at Whole Foods though. Between having access to the best food on the planet and the probably the coolest coworkers, I had it pretty good.

I was trying to decide what I wanted from the deli when my manager, Angela, sidled up.

"There's a really cute guy asking for you at customer service."

"Oh yeah?" My heart skipped a beat, hoping it was who I thought it was.

"Jeez, Bella. Who is he?" she continued as we walked back together.

Edward.

He gave me butterflies.

"Is that your boyfriend?"

And then, I realized, maybe yeah. Maybe he was. Maybe he wanted to be, like I wanted him to be.

"Maybe."

"Good for you, girl," she whispered, smiling politely as we approached the customer service desk where Edward was leaning casually.

He was in his work clothes. No hat tonight.

He half smiled, his eyes never leaving mine. "Hey."

"Hi," I said, unable to hide how glad I was to see him. It had only been two days, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I was on my way home so I thought I'd drop by. You off soon?"

"Not for another two hours," I said, regretful. "It is my lunch break though; want to join me?"

"Dinner break," he corrected me. "Yeah, what've they got?"

So we returned to the deli, to the hot case where all the cooked food was, and ordered a bunch of stuff. Then we took it outsde and sat at one of the tables.

We ate quietly for while. It seemed to be his way, our way. But it crackled between us, this knowing, this attraction, this feeling. It had been there, humming like a live wire, quiet and always on the verge of sparking, since the first night we'd walked to my house.

I cleared my throat after a time though, swallowing down a sip of juice. "I'm glad you came."

He nodded, smiling into his food. "Wanted to see you."

My heart leapt.

"You don't talk a lot," I remarked after a few seconds of silence.

His eyes were back on me then, and his eyes were such a light green and his pale stare so intense it made my stomach knot. "Sometimes there's not much to say. We talked a lot the first night though."

"The only night," I said, biting my lip.

"There's this night," he countered, his eyes crinkling just barely because he was smiling now. "And the night we walked home."

That was true.

"Yes." I took an extra big bite to give my mouth something to do besides gush and grin giddily.

Eventually the food was gone, even the chocolate cake we shared. He let me feed him, which surprised me. And delighted me.

"Can I see you later?" I asked, balling up the dirty napkins.

"I have to be up at 5."

"Oh. That sucks."

"It does, sometimes," he agreed. "I'm tired a lot. I nap a lot."

"I'd imagine."

We stood up and threw away our trash. A light rain began to fall, somewhat rare for the Bay.

"If you want to come over and sleep with me," he said, smirking. "I'll come back for you. And I do mean sleep."

I laughed, looking down. "Deal."

I kissed his cheek, but he held me so I couldn't walk away and then kissed my mouth.

He kissed me and left and that night, we did sleep together.

And sleep was all it was.

* * *

_happy st patrick's day, lovelies. _


	7. Forest

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

"Do you ever sleep here anymore?" Rose asked.

I closed the front door quietly, knowing Alice was probably still sleeping in her room.

"Sometimes."

"Must be really good if you're stealing away at night and sneaking back before the sun's up…" Her face was gentle, softly lit by the desk lamp. We only had one computer in the house at the moment but this is why it worked; I did my papers as soon as they were assigned, Rose awoke at dawn to work, and Alice usually ended up pulling last minute all nighters. We had a system.

"Yeah… it's not like that actually."

She cocked her head, sliding her glasses off and rubbing her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't go over there for sex. I go over there to … be with him. We sleep."

Rose looked dubiously at me. "You just sleep?"

I shrugged. "Yeah."

"That's… interesting."

"Well, it's usually so late by the time one or both of us is done with work…and then I get there and he's either working on work stuff and I'm reading or on his computer and then we're falling asleep."

"But you get to talk, right?" Rose pressed.

"Oh, totally. We do talk. It's good, I guess, but… I'd be lying if I said I wasn't getting a little frustrated," I admitted. I yawned, kicking my shoes off.

"Especially after that first night," Rose teased, fanning herself. "Good Lord."

"Ha, yeah. Exactly." I gathered my shoes and bag. "I'm gonna go lay down for a bit."

* * *

It was starting to cool down outside. Summer was giving way to fall, and although we didn't have dramatic changing of the leaves like they did on the east coast, there were definite changes in the weather. Either way, I loved Oakland's temperature. It was never too hot, always comfortably cool. My mother had been so confused until I'd explained that Oakland and LA are so far away from each other they might as well be separate states. People think of California and they see palm trees and surfers.

Yeah. The Bay's nothing like that. And while I did love the periodic road trips the girls and I took down south, I really loved living in Northern California.

Class was about to end, so I quickly finished the letter I'd written to my mom and stuffed it in to an envelope. She hadn't quite caught on to email; she still called it "going into the internet", which sounded like we were diving in, like we were in The Matrix or something. The thought made me laugh. I loved my mom.

And I loved letters. I did email and text a lot, like anyone, but there was something special about pouring my words out on paper. It was like journaling, but with a purpose, with the intent of sharing.

Once my film critiquing class had let out, I joined the river of students streaming out of the building and on to the quad. I stamped and kissed my mother's letter and slipped it into the same mailbox I always used. Unlocking my bike, I situated my bag and jumped on, glad that it was a no–work day. I'd taken it easy with my course load this time around, even opting for one online class. For someone who had been in all AP classes in high school, and who'd _always_ mixed classes with partying _every _summer, it was a welcome respite to not be so bogged down with constant school work.

I called Edward when I got home, leaving a message on his voicemail. I hadn't seen him in a day or two. That's how it went with us… two days on and two days off. Well, not exactly. But almost.

There was a deep craving within me, though. I wanted to be with him. And dammit, I wanted him in other ways too. I couldn't understand why he hadn't tried to get physical again. Our kisses left me wanting. I always felt like we were on the precipice of something hot and then, nothing.

He didn't call me back until eleven o'clock that night. The girls and I had made dinner and watched old seasons of Lost for awhile. I'd resigned myself to a solo night, which was fine. I'd done it before Edward, why not after?

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. What are you doing?"

Maybe it was PMS. Maybe I was just sleep deprived. Maybe I was _sexually_ deprived.

But I was annoyed.

"Lying in bed, about to go to sleep."

"Want to come over?"

"No. I can sleep here." I felt a little jolt of guilt, being short with him.

"You can sleep here, too."

"All we do is sleep there. I'm tired. I called you hours ago; I had the afternoon and evening off. It's too late now," I sighed, my ire fading into resignation.

"Too late?" he echoed, and it sounded like he – or I – meant other things.

"Yeah," I whispered.

"All right. Sleep well, Bella."

For some reason I wanted to cry. "Okay."

* * *

My phone woke me up at six o'clock in the morning. Yawning widely, I squinted at the number.

Edward.

"Hello?"

"Hey. I'm outside."

"I'll… I'll be right out."

Cursing lightly, I tossed the phone down and wrapped my bathrobe around me, the completely impractical one that came just barely to my knees. Mornings were always so chilly.

But, oh. Oh God. He looked so good, always but especially now in the warm early morning sun, strands of his hair looking blonde. I quivered and melted inside. Tiny earthquakes. Lava.

He walked in the gate as I held it open.

He followed me through the front door.

He followed me into my house and down the hall and into my room.

He handed me a cup of something hot. "Here."

"Thanks."

We sipped in silence, standing in my room.

"So… you're going to work I guess?"

"Yeah, on my way now."

"This is new," I said, gesturing between us, holding up my hot tea.

"You were pissed off at me last night," he said, his eyes locked with mine.

"I was…"_ Emotional. Horny. Lonely. Disappointed_. "Tired."

"Don't do that. Don't play games. If you were angry with me just say it." His voice never rose.

"Okay, I was mad. Just a little bit. I wanted to see you." I ducked my head and sat down, careful to keep my legs closed in this silly little get up.

"I wanted to see you too."

"Why do we always hang out so late? Why can't you come earlier?"

"Sometimes work goes late." He shrugged, sitting next to me. "Sometimes it doesn't, and I fall asleep at home. I'm sorry… that you felt that way last night."

"Why don't we… do it anymore?" My face burned with embarrassment, but I needed to know.

He didn't say anything for a long time.

I finished my tea and set the empty cup on my nightstand.

"That's not why I bring you over. I like being with you. I like having you in my house, I like looking at you. And yeah, I like being inside you. But sometimes, it's just not what I'm thinking about. And sometimes you don't even look like you want it."

"I do want it," I said quietly, my heart hammering because he was so ruggedly handsome, so gorgeous and almost too big for my room. I was afraid he'd disappear. _He's imperfect, and he's always late. And it annoys me. And I'm so attracted to him in ways that scare me because they're so intense, so strong_. "I want you… all the time."

He stood up, pulling me to my feet. "I have to go. I'll be late if I don't. But if you want it, then next time… take it."

He snarled his fingers into my knotty morning hair, bringing my face to his so he could kiss me. "Take it," he whispered against my mouth and I swear to God I felt it in my panties.

* * *

Morning shift at work. Night classes. Nice little switch up.

I rode my bike through the forest between campus and the streets of Berkeley, loving the cold night time air as I flew through it.

At the last second I turned left instead of right.

I rode through slightly unfamiliar streets, ones I knew primarily because I'd driven - but never cycled - through them.

Eventually Edward's house came into view. His light was on; his truck was parked in the driveway. Maybe he was waiting for my call. Maybe he was dozing.

I rode right up, hopping off and walking my bike to the front door.

He opened the door as soon as I knocked, not looking all that surprised. "Bella."

"Hi," I said, feeling a little awkward.

He stood aside, taking my bike and bringing it to lean against the wall just inside the door.

Belatedly, I wondered if I was interrupting his work time. "Are you busy? I could – "

"Not really." He smiled down at me, his hands in his pockets.

I smiled, unzipping my jacket and leaving it with my bike and my bag. I took my shoes off.

He watched.

"Edward."

But he already knew.

He let me back him on to the couch, and straddle him, and kiss him the way I wanted to.

And when he'd had enough of that, he took me to his room.

Even then he let me lead. I shook with nerves as we took off our clothes, nerves and excitement. He showed me what he liked, how to use my hands when I used my mouth and I did my best, wanting to pleasure him the way he'd pleasured me.

"If you don't stop I'm going to come," he said, and I liked how out of control he sounded for once.

So I stopped and pulled him on top of me and he kissed me hard; I could feel teeth with his tongue. He pulled back, long enough to put a condom on, and then entered me fast, putting my legs over his shoulders and driving into me.

"Better?" He grunted, smiling down at me.

"Yeah," I gasped back, my body sliding up with the bed with the force of his thrusts.

He pulled out and turned me around so I was on all fours and took me like that, reaching his hand around so he could finger me at the same time. I came first, jerking back against him and he came after, obviously have been waiting for me. We slid down, a crumpled sweaty heap of skin and heavy breathing.

I didn't mind when he fell asleep inside me this time.


	8. Peel

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

It was cold outside. Colder than usual.

Colder than usual but normal for fall. Also, Edward's heater didn't work properly.

We were in bed together. Edward was sitting up, leaning against the headboard and I was on his lap, my legs wrapped around him. If he'd been weaker this might not have been too pleasurable. His arms would be tired. But he wasn't weak, and it felt extraordinary.

Back and forth, back and forth, rocking slowly. He tipped my chin down, our mouths coalesced. So together; I nearly wanted to cry.

"What?" he whispered, catching the tail end of my expression.

I shook my head mutely and held on tighter, bowled over and baffled by the words marching themselves through my mind's eye: _I think I love you._

Impossible.

"Talk to me," he sighed, his eyes closing. He tightened his grip, kissed my neck.

"You feel so good it hurts."

His sleepy, pretty green eyes drifted open. He smiled a little. "You look so good it hurts."

My throat closed up. "I'm serious."

He nodded, very serious now himself.

We'd been together for awhile now. I always felt so vulnerable with him and yet, he always made it easy to talk. For as quiet as we both were in general, as used to and appreciative of companionable silence as we both were, he tended to bring the words out of me. And I sensed I brought the words out of him, too. I could tell him anything. I felt compelled to.

I trusted him.

In the deepest, most serious way, I trusted him. With the non linear-ness of my thought patterns and the nuances of every feeling. It was like he was teaching me to peel back the layers of emotional armor I'd grown used to wearing for protection. Every day relationships; they wore on a girl. Having to look and act right, maintain, not wanting to upset things, wanting it all to go right with the guy. The game.

We all played it.

He and I had played it, the first time we'd met.

But it just wasn't necessary anymore. He'd already told me he wanted my thoughts.

So I gave them to him.

Well, most of them. Anything like _I love you_ would have to wait. It would either fade away like the apparition it was or manifest itself as reality. At which point, I'd…judiciously… tell him.

The record stopped.

Tonight it was Journey.

I'd teased him when he'd first brought it out: one, it was vinyl and two it was Journey.

"This was my parent's generation, smartass," he'd smirked. "The good stuff never gets old… I was a kid when this song came out."

And it was true. It never got old. Being with him never got old.

But now the song was finished, the record had run its course, and was doing the skipping thing finished records did.

He buried his face in the place between my neck and my shoulder and thrust up rhythmically, abandoning our lazy pace for one with a purpose.

His hair was so soft against my cheek.

* * *

We were half way between sleep and wakefulness, lazy on a Sunday afternoon.

"I like when we do it face to face," I said, yawning. "Like today."

"I like it too," he agreed.

"I like when you're on top."

"I like when you're on top," he echoed.

I snorted. "You just like having my boobs in your face."

"Your boobs," he mimicked my tone, making me laugh. "Are perfect. But that's not the only reason. I can hold you closer when we fuck like that."

I sat up on my elbow, gazing down at his beautiful face, his beautiful mouth, thinking of all the beautiful things it did.

"Is that what we do?" I asked.

Those eyes, always so sleepy, flickered to me.

"I think we make love," I told him.

Now _he_ snorted. "Make love. Okay. We can call it that."

Rolling my eyes, I swung a pillow at his face and lay back down.

A soft peal of laughter rang out from the living room.

I hadn't even heard the front door open and judging by Edward's face, neither had he.

"Edward, honey? You home?" It sounded like his mother.

He sat up quickly. I cringed beneath the blanket.

"Mom?" he called back.

Then heard another voice, shushing Edward's mother. "I think someone's here," she said, her whisper carrying.

Edward exhaled loudly, shoving his hand through his hair

"Gimme a minute," he all but yelled.

He got out of bed and into his jeans, pulling on a t-shirt on as he walked to the door.

"Should I stay here?"I asked, genuinely unsure.

"Get dressed," he said, nodding toward the door.

I slid to the floor and pulled my jeans and sweatshirt on, shivering because the cold wood floors made my feet freeze. I walked to where he waited and we went to the next room together.

I'd never met his mother. He looked something like her. His sister I remembered: Kate. She was the reason I knew Edward; we'd met at her birthday barbeque.

They looked surprised, but not offended.

In fact, his mother looked sheepish. She had two boxes of pizza in her arms, which she put down on to the coffee table. She held up a key.

"Sorry… I still have this. I didn't realize you had a guest."

"Mom, this is my girlfriend Bella. Bella, this is my mom, Esme. And you remember Kate, right?"

I nodded, trying not to get stuck on "girlfriend."

"Nice to meet you," I said, shaking Esme's hand.

She smiled warmly at me, clasping my hand between both of hers. "Nice to meet you too, Bella. We'll have to have you both over for dinner soon."

I nodded and looked at Kate, who was barely suppressing an amused grin. "Hi, Kate."

She gave me a tiny wave. "Hey, Bella. How've you been?"

"Good. Thanks."

We stood awkwardly around until Edward tugged me to the couch, sitting.

"Let's eat."

A crinkle beneath my butt let me know I was probably crushing one of Edward's many blueprints. Shifting over, I pulled a long roll of paper, thin and rolled like a pell or scroll.

"Can I…"

"Go ahead," he said, nodding as he went back to chatting with his mother and Kate.

I unrolled the plan and gazed down at the picture. I didn't know anything about building and blueprints and things. I knew Edward worked hard doing the physical parts of construction but he also had an eye for designing plans like this one. I'd have to have him explain it to me later on.

I sucked in a sharp breath. It looked gorgeous.

Esme was extremely gracious and very easy to talk to. Kate was more reserved, a little like Edward actually, but not cold. They stayed for nearly an hour, until the pizza was gone, and then, as if they'd agreed telepathically, stood to leave.

"We'll let you two enjoy your night."

I blinked in surprise, my eyes going to the window. Just like that the day had faded; bring us into dusk before I'd even realized it was happening.

"All right, Mom. Thanks for the pizza," Edward said.

We walked them to the door.

"Any time. And, I'll call next time," Esme said, looking at me apologetically.

"You do that," Edward said right as I laughed softly, "it's okay."

"Bye, bro." Kate leaned forward and kissed Edward's cheek. "Bye, Bella. See you soon."

"Do they do that often?" I asked lowly, watching the two women get into a car and drive off.

"Uh… sometimes. Yeah. They like to feed me."

"That's good," I said, grinning up at him. "Because I can't cook for crap."

He pinched my butt, closing the door. "Well you'd better learn, little lady."

"Whatever. You like me anyway."

"I do like you anyway," he said, the silliness fading.

There were so many things I felt like saying. But it was cold, and the heater didn't work well in his house, and I wished we could just go back to his bed and curl up.

"Will you… show me your blueprint? The one I was looking at?"

He nodded. We went back to the couch and he tossed me a blanket to put over my legs.

"This," he began, unrolling the paper. "Is my house."

* * *

_"When the Lights Go Down In the City"_


	9. Tower

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

"I told you not to use that one."

Tyler peered up at me, gripping a power drill. "This one? I thought you meant the cordless…"

"No, the cordless is fine. This one electrocuted Mike yesterday."

"Then why the hell do we still have it?" he asked incredulously.

I snatched the drill up, yanking the cord from the outlet. "Good question."

"Where's the cordless?"

"Ask Mike," I called back, walking away.

We were in the home stretch now, almost done with the four bedroom at the top of Marin Ave. It was all about the finishing touches now; I'd be calling in the carpentry company we worked side by side with to handle the cabinets and that sort of thing.

Emmett McCarty and I'd built Cullen Construction from the ground up. We'd done well for ourselves, so much so that we didn't have to be present on most of the jobs – even though we chose to be. We had a good number of employees, many of them guys we'd known for years. It felt like family.

I went outside and lit a cigarette, grateful for the soothing burn.

"Thought you were quitting that crap, man," Emmett said, joining me.

"I am," I said, the cigarette bobbing as I spoke.

"Those things'll kill you."

"They won't kill me because I'm quitting."

"I'm surprised your girlfriend hasn't put her foot down," he commented, opening his bottle of water.

"She's not like that."

"Yeah? What's she like?"

Closing my eyes, I took a deep pull and flicked the cigarette, stamping it beneath my boot.

Bella.

Bella with the brown hair. I liked her hair, loved it even. Long and a little curly.

Bella with the nice ass. She looked even better out of her clothes than she did in them.

Bella with the sweet smile. She'd smile and look sideways at me, trying to sneak a peek when I wasn't looking but I was always looking. Even when I wasn't, I was.

I knew she thought I was stuck in my head. Half the time, I was.

She was usually in there with me, though. In my head, on my mind. She floated through it all the time, random thoughts, boring thoughts, sexual thoughts. Thoughts of her mouth; I loved how she laughed and how she bit her lip and licked it. How her kisses had been so shy when we'd started out and now they were bold, how she sucked me off when I asked her to and sometimes even when I didn't.

Her body. She was sweet. She looked sweet, she fucked sweet, she tasted sweet. She –

"Dude."

I blinked, the mild sunlight of the day coming back into focus, along with Emmett's face.

"What?"

"What was that?" He smirked. "When do I get to meet her?"

"Whenever, man. I don't know. Let's do something tonight."

"She have any cute nineteen year old girlfriends?"

"Actually, yes."

Emmett smirked, draining his water. "Bring 'em along."

Bella would probably like that. She got a little edgy sometimes when my friends came along, like she wasn't good enough. Like she was too young to keep up.

Little did she know she was light years ahead.

* * *

"Where are you?" I pressed the phone closer to one ear and stuck my finger in the other, trying to hear.

"Right below the clock tower. I'm meeting Alice."

"Is that why it's so loud?"

"Uh, yeah… where are you?"

"With Emmett, headed home. What are you doing tonight?"

" –ou."

"What?"

"You," she giggled.

Intellectually I knew she was messing with me but my dick twitched accordingly. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Her voice was lower now. Maybe she hadn't been messing with me.

"Hmm."

"Listen, Alice is here…"

"Yeah, okay. Do you want to go out tonight? Emmett's been on my ass to meet you. You can… bring your friends."

"Oh, okay! What time?"

"I don't know…seven? Eight?"

"Which one, Edward?" I knew that tone. She wasn't feeling very patient.

"Seven."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye…"

I closed my phone and slipped it into my back pocket.

"No smoking in my truck," Emmett said.

"I wasn't…"

"You were thinking about it."

"Yeah," I chuckled. "I was."

"So… seven? I'll be at your place by 6:30. I know how you roll. Poor girl will be lucky if we get there by ten if we do it your way."

I snorted, not bothering to argue with him. No one knew me better than Emmett.

* * *

Emmett whistled lowly.

_"That's_ the friend? She's nineteen?"

I glanced up at Bella and her friend. Just one. Guess Jasper's girl was… with Jasper.

"I think she's twenty. Her name's Rose."

"Damn." Emmett ran his hand through his hair, checking her out as they came toward the car.

"Hi," Bella said shyly. I jumped out before the girls could climb into the back seat.

"Hey." I kissed her mouth. "Rose, why don't you sit up front next to Emmett?"

"Uh…sure." Rose frowned and got in to the front seat.

I slid in next to Bella. She buckled her seatbelt and smiled up at me.

"So… where are we going?"

"A friend of ours in Montclair is having a few people over."

She nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Emmett and Rose began to talk up front. He kept looking at her, but she was staring at the window.

Yeah, good luck with that, Em. I'd talked to Rose a few times on the phone. She was kind of a bitch.

"How did the rest of your day go?" Bella asked quietly, fiddling with the strap on her bag.

"It went well. We're basically done with the house on Marin."

I told her about Mike and the faulty drill, and how he'd almost offed himself using it.

"Why don't you guys get rid of it?" she asked, her cheeks pink from laughter.

"Good friggin question," Emmett boomed from up front. "Every day we say we need to toss it and every day it ends up with all the other drills."

"So did you throw it away today?" Bella asked, her eyes shining.

"Nope."

There were a few other cars at Marcus's place. We parked and we got out, falling naturally into pairs. Rose looked a little less stiff; maybe Emmett's antics were breaking through. He didn't exactly have problems getting women.

Marcus had a nice place, in a neighborhood similar to the one I wanted to build in. He was into this modern art motif I wasn't really feeling for me, but it worked for him. He even managed to keep it from looking pretentious with his bright red couches and ink blot paintings.

I wanted plants in my house. Lots of wood, lots of plants. Organic, open.

The pool table was sweet, though. Em and I introduced the girls as we walked through the crowd, people we'd known since elementary school. I even saw a couple of kids who'd gone to school with Riley, but he wasn't there.

I leaned down, putting my lips to Bella's ear. "You want a beer?"

She nodded. I led her to the fridge and got one for each of us. Emmett and Rose had disappeared to the game room, so we joined them and set up on the couch.

Marcus was down there, just coming out of a game.

"Hey, Edward."

"Hey, Marcus. How's it goin'?"

"It's going," he sighed. "Just lost two hundred bucks."

"On a game?" I asked, shaking my head. "Idiot."

"Yeah no kidding." His eyes fell on Bella. I swear to God he looked like a hungry animal, seeing its first meal in weeks.

"This is Bella," I said, tightening my grip on her.

He knew me. He knew my style. If I was with Bella, I was with Bella. End of story.

Slightly smiling, he met my gaze, before looking back at Bella. "Nice to meet you, glad you could make it out."

"Thanks," she said, smiling at him and then at me.

So Bella sucked at pool. It was fun teaching her though, especially once she got past the self consciousness of other people watching. Rose was pretty damn good at it, not surprisingly. She had Emmett whipped, in more ways than one by the looks of things.

Later Bella and I were back on the couch, loosened up after a few beers. She tucked herself into my side, and all I could smell was her; her skin, her hair.

"You're really sexy," she breathed suddenly.

I looked down at her, realizing she'd been watching me for awhile.

I let my eyes linger in my favorite places; her mouth, her tits, where her shirt dipped and showed me hints of her tits, the v where her legs met.

"You have to say that," I said, squeezing her thigh. "Because you're with me."

"No, I say it because it's true," she argued, this sly little grin falling across her mouth.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Sexiest guy I've ever been with."

"Hmm."

"Hmm," she echoed, cocking her head.

I leaned down, sliding my hand around her neck, pulling her closer and kissing her.

"You think so?"

"I know so," she said, and bit my bottom lip.

I pulled away and grinned down at her, really liking the way she was looking at me.

Then I bit her back.

* * *

**_figured i'd do a 2 A DAY, to help make up for ffnet's craptasticness. it's still not working, you know; i/we simply found a way around it._**

**_also, my birthday's today. whoot! dirty thirties, baby._**


	10. Poetry

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

**_2 chapters in one today, because the 2nd is rather short._**

* * *

We fell into a rhythm, a way if being.

Isn't it always that way, though? Any relationship that lasts past a couple weeks has to establish its own way of being somehow.

We watched movies late at night a lot. Sometimes smoked and drove to Walgreens for candy late at night.

Lots of late at night.

We napped together a lot.

Well, that's a lie; he napped and I read. I was too hyper to sleep any time that wasn't night.

We went out to eat a lot. He didn't cook and I didn't really know how. Rose had taken to teaching me at home; she was one of those people with an instinctive knack for knowing what tasted good with what. She experimented and won. I attempted and failed. But she was patient with me.

Still, I wasn't confident trying to make anything Edward would actually have to consume so he and I just went out. He wasn't filthy rich but he had plenty of money. He was practical, rational, and logical, and all of those stodgy words that meant he was good with numbers and finances.

It helped he'd also been out of school for awhile, and had paid off his student loans.

So he had plenty while I was struggling through school, holding down a full time job at the same time.

"You pay your dues. I'll pay for dinner," he said.

And that was fine.

I liked the way he took care of me.

It wasn't typical gentlemanly type stuff.

He didn't open my door for me or pull out my chair. Sometimes he was still late, even though he'd gotten better. His bed was chronically unmade from sleeping and sex. There were blueprints and contracts covering the coffee table and multiple projects he had going in every corner. And tools, everywhere.

He wasn't clean cut and GQ.

But he got me. In the silences and the conversations, in the presence and the absence, he got me.

When I told him I'd finished reading a book I loved he'd gone out and found the sequel. Without fanfare. I found it in my messenger bag later the next day.

When we walked down the sidewalk he kept me on the inside, putting himself between me and the road. The only other guy ever to do that was my dad.

* * *

"Take a bath with me," he said, pulling himself up from the couch.

I almost didn't hear him, between the Isley Brothers album he had going and the latest National Geographic I'd found by his bed. Unable to resist the article on baby snow leopards, I'd curled up beside Edward and gorged myself on cuteness. The furrier, the better.

"Bella."

Sticking my finger into the magazine so I wouldn't lose my place, I looked up.

"Come take a bath."

"Oh." Forget baby snow leopards.

I followed him into his bathroom which, of course, was midway through remodeling.

He'd already started filling the tub with hot water. I shed my clothing, thankful for the steam misting out of the tub and how it helped lessen the chill in the air.

I heard _Footsteps in the Dark_ start up again.

Edward joined me, his shirt gone.

"I like your scruff," I said, pressing my naked body against his partially clothed one.

"Yeah?" He smoothed his hand over my butt, cupping it before letting go.

"Yeah."

"I'll leave it then."

"Good."

He smiled a little and undid his jeans, letting them pool at his feet before stepping out of them. The only light came from the bedroom, and because I knew Edward and his quirky ways, I didn't bother asking for more.

He got in first. I climbed in after, careful to give him space so he could actually bathe.

Sexy, yes.

But practical. He had grease all over his arms from working on his truck earlier, and paint speckled his skin. I turned in the tub so I was facing him and grabbed another bar of soap so I could get clean too.

I imagined he would've been one of those Wild West types, rugged and strong and quiet. Rowdy in the sack. I could see him on a horse.

"What're you smiling about?" His voice floated across the water.

"You as a cowboy."

"I could live on the frontier, easily."

"I know you could," I said, smug on the inside because I'd thought as much.

"You could be my cowgirl. Assless chaps and all."

I laughed, thoroughly amused at the thought, and splashed him. "I could ride you."

"You can ride me now."

My smile dimmed, crowded by lustiness. "I could."

He yanked me over by the leg and turned me around so my back was to his chest, pulled me against him so we were both reclining back. I closed my eyes, breathing him in, loving how our skin felt slick and supple.

* * *

I startled, realizing we'd been dozing.

Edward's somnolence was contagious.

The water wasn't as hot as it had been and I shivered involuntarily.

"Edward." I detached myself and stood. "Edward, come on."

His eyes opened slowly like they always did. He gazed up at me, his arms draped loosely over the sides of the tub.

_Oh._

I got out of the tub and grabbed a towel. I liked how he watched me.

"I want you," I said simply, getting his towel off the rack. "I don't care if you're tired."

"I want you too, cowgirl." He smirked as he got up and it took all of my will power not to drop to my knees and put him in my mouth.

Instead, I tossed him his towel and hung mine up.

My skin was wrinkly from having been in the bath for so long. I got onto the bed, thankful he'd finally fixed the heater.

He'd barely dried off.

Without another word he got between my legs and kissed me where he'd take me. I held his head between my hands and succumbed to how good it felt, how good he felt. I threw a pillow over my face when I came, wanting to muffle the sound of my orgasm. It was really hard for me to keep quiet and sometimes I didn't feel like wondering if the neighbors could hear Edward taking care of his girl.

He moved so that he was cradled between my thighs and snatched the pillow, sending it across the bed. He yanked away the one under my head too, preferring when I was flat.

"You feel good," he said as he loved me, and that was rare. He rarely, if ever, spoke during sex.

"You too," I said, spreading my hands over the expanse of his back.

He smiled, and caught my lip in his teeth, and kissed me, and I held him tight and kissed him back, kissed him and tongued him and kissed him some more, even when and especially when he came, the forces of his thrusts bringing my bottom off the bed.

"You okay?" he asked at the end, collapsing on top me.

I clung to him, reminding myself of the baby snow leopards riding their mother's backs during playtime.

"You make me okay," I purred, earning a quiet laugh from him.

"Good."

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" I asked, running my tongue against the outside of his ear.

He shook his head away from my mouth, squeezing my hip as he got up.

"Just making sure."

"I'd tell you if I didn't like what you were doing," I said when he returned from the bathroom.

He nodded, lying next to me. "I'm glad. You used to be afraid."

"You intimidated me," I admitted.

"Why?"

"I don't know, you just did."

"I'd never hurt you."

"I know." I glanced at him, loving him in secret.

* * *

I wanted to go home for Thanksgiving, but I couldn't wing it financially. I'd be going home for Christmas instead.

Gone were the days of getting everything I wanted all of the time. Childhood is so damn fleeting. It takes forever when it's happening but as soon as it's over you realize how golden it was. How temporary.

I missed my parents, missed Phoenix. But I was, technically, an adult now. I had to work and earn my keep and pay my dues and stick to schedules.

Thankfully Rosalie had family in the Bay, so that's where Alice and I would be for Thanksgiving. Edward hadn't invited me to have dinner at with his family, and I hadn't asked. For some reason it didn't bother me. They were a close knit unit, and honestly, I really missed just spending time with my girls.

It was quite possible this was the most mature relationship I'd ever had. I trusted him. I didn't have to worry about who he was with or what he was doing when he wasn't with me. That wasn't something I could say about a few of my other past relationships.

As long as I spent time with Edward during Thanksgiving break I was straight. It wasn't like we didn't spend a ton of time together already.

It was all so easy.

* * *

Movement from the doorway caught my eye.

I glanced up, taking my ear buds out of my ears. "What's up?"

Alice nodded back toward the hallway. "Peter and Sean are here."

"Oh, okay. Cool." I detangled myself from my books and music and followed her into our living room, where Rose was talking with the boys.

"Bella," Peter said, standing up to hug me.

It was weird. He still looked good to me, and I could admit to myself that the attraction was still there.

But I no longer craved his presence, or cared about what he did. It was so freeing, and so nice to be able to appreciate his capacity to be my friend and just my friend. We'd hung out a couple of times in the past few months and it always felt the same: easy going. It was like, the good parts of our friendship were the only parts now, no bitterness because he didn't like me the way I wanted him to.

We'd always had a ton in common, and back in the day had spent so much time together that people at my job had asked if we were dating. I'd loved when they'd ask that, because I'd wanted it to be true. Things were different now, though. Healthier. Thank God.

"Hey, Pete. What's up?"

"I was gonna stop by Embry real quick –you wanna come?" he asked. "He's working on some of the tracks we laid down earlier."

"Sure," I agreed, shrugging.

Alice and I shared a look when Peter turned around and I left the room before I began laughing out loud. Seriously – everybody in the Bay was working on their album. Everybody, Peter included.

"So he's a nice guy?" Peter asked in the car, the afternoon sun making his skin look like caramel.

"Of course he's nice," I said, smiling. "I only date nice guys."

"What's his name?"

"Edward."

"Edward?" he snorted. "That's kind of… I don't know…"

"Yeah, okay Peter," I teased, not the least bit phased by his silliness.

"I'm just sayin'. Isn't he a lot older than you?"

"Who told you that? Rose?"

"Yeah."

"Did Rose tell you she's messing with his friend, who is also much older?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Ha, no she didn't. Nice." Peter shook his head, smirking. "Anyway, it's all good. Older women are great."

"Is that right," I hummed, smiling.

"Yeah."

We pulled up to Drew's. He looked at me and I looked at him and yeah - it was all good.

* * *

Rose had grown up in the affluent area of Walnut Creek. She had aunts and uncles and cousins spread out all over California and they all met at her parent's annually for Thanksgiving dinner. Alice and I were welcomed with love, laughter, food and wine.

Once we'd gorged ourselves we went for a long walk through the neighborhood, trying desperately to rid ourselves of the bloated feeling. It was nice and cold out and I breathed it in greedily, feeling very blessed with my life.

Despite our easy going agreement that we'd spend Thanksgiving apart Edward called me around nine, wanting to know what I was up to. It surprised me a little, but I found myself relieved. I'd been getting a little restless, not even knowing why, not knowing he was feeling the same way across town.

He said he'd be by to get me in about a half hour. I made rounds, saying my goodbyes, giving hugs and receiving leftovers to take home.

He came to the door to get me, and I left the warmth of Rose's childhood home for the warmth of Edward's truck. We kissed when I climbed inside; he smiled at me, affection apparent in his gaze. Edward wasn't too liberal with his words and he wasn't too effusive emotionally, but I'd learned how he communicated.

We drove home with the windows cracked open, letting in the autumn chill with its smell of burning. He stopped at a corner store to get another bottle of wine and we went home where we fooled around in his bed and I read him poetry in my panties. He teased me about my academic pretentiousness and bourgeoisie methods of flirting until I got to one poem in particular. That made him horny he said, and that was okay, so he touched me, teasing me now with fingers instead of words.

But he'd tricked me all along because he waited until I came and then whispered, his stubble scraping my cheek, his wet hands gripping my hips, "I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees."

* * *

_he's quoting Neruda's** Every Day You Play.**_

_she's reading** Carnal apple, Woman filled, burning moon**_

_Carnal apple, Woman filled, burning moon,_  
_dark smell of seaweed, crush of mud and light,_  
_what secret knowledge is clasped between your pillars?_  
_What primal night does Man touch with his senses?_  
_Ay, Love is a journey through waters and stars,_  
_through suffocating air, sharp tempests of grain:_  
_Love is a war of lightning,_  
_and two bodies ruined by a single sweetness._  
_Kiss by kiss I cover your tiny infinity,_  
_your margins, your rivers, your diminutive villages,_  
_and a genital fire, transformed by delight,_  
_slips through the narrow channels of blood_  
_to precipitate a nocturnal carnation,_  
_to be, and be nothing but light in the dark._

_**Pablo Neruda**_


	11. Crackerjack

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

"I want something sweet."

Edward raised an eyebrow and went back to reading.

"Edward."

He looked at me. I looked at him. He put his architectural magazine down.

"What do you want? Ice cream?"

"Candy."

"Lemon heads." He nodded and stood, grabbing his keys.

It was two in the morning. The truck rumbled through the quiet neighborhood streets; even Berkeley was silent at this hour. These were some of my favorite moments with him, when time was ours. Nothing to do, no one to see. Just being, alone and with each other.

Sometimes I wanted to hold his hand. But he wasn't always that type.

And that was okay.

We rode to the nearest CVS, which was open 24 hours.

Inside we roamed the aisles, making our way to the candy section. I loved stores in the middle of the night, the way the fluorescent lighting and soft elevator music made everything feel safe and cheery, how the emptiness created this illusion of intimacy, like we owned the place. It was open just for us.

Edward grabbed a bag of Lemon heads, then another. My mouth watered just looking at them. I surveyed the selection for minute, warming when Edward slipped his hand in to the back pocket of my jeans. Eventually I took a couple of candy bars and we went to the lone cashier, who checked us out with nary a glance.

Well, that wasn't true. She looked at Edward a few times but who wouldn't? Even in the most mundane of circumstances he was something to look at.

In the car we ate candy and messed with the radio. His wry smiles at my excitement over good eighties tunes, my inner giddiness when he sang quietly along to love songs.

"So you're leaving soon," he said.

We'd parked up near Grizzly Peak. The lights of the Bay twinkled quietly, orange stars in an urban universe.

"Yeah."

"You're glad to go," he stated, crunching a candy between his teeth.

"I have mixed feelings," I admitted, unwrapping my Snickers.

"Why?"

I glared at him in the dark. "I'm happy to go home, see my parents and all that. I love Christmas. But there are people here I'll miss."

"Like who?" he teased. I could see him smiling, looking straight ahead.

"Like Rose. And my sociology professor," I said, rolling my eyes.

He held out his hand for chocolate. "Rose is okay."

I nodded. "I love Rose."

"I didn't like her at first – "

"Few people do."

"–but I get her."

"She's sort of like you," I realized, giving him my candy bar. "No nonsense."

"Is that how I am?"

"Usually. When you're not teasing me into admitting I'm going to miss you when I'm gone."

His fingers were in my hair then, and he tugged me gently closer. I scooted across the seat and leaned against him, my heart expanding when I smelled his smell.

"You ever been skiing?" he asked, his breath warm and chocolate.

"I'm from the desert, Edward."

"Okay, okay, no need to be touchy."

"Oh, I can be touchy," I purred, extra seductive and extra silly as I snuggled even closer.

"Mhm. Anyway, Riley and I are thinking of going to Lake Tahoe in January. We're getting a group together. You should come."

"I'd like to."

"I can teach you to ski."

"You're good at it?"

"I'm good at everything," he joked, grabbing my hand because he knew I'd pinch him otherwise.

"A real crackerjack on the slopes," I simpered, earning a tickle.

"So we'll go. When do you get back?"

"The second."

"We'll leave the third."

He kissed the top of my head and I loved him.

* * *

My flight was December twenty third, at seven o'clock in the morning. This meant I had to be at the airport at the most ungodly of hours. Thanks, Mom.

As usual, Edward had to be up early that day anyway. I'd forced him to stay at my place for once. We were in bed; I was packed and dressed and ready. The cab had been called.

"I want you before I go," I said, sitting up.

His eyes fluttered, wanting to close and not have to open. "Mkay."

I unbuttoned his jeans and started yanking them down.

He lifted his hips, smiling sleepily.

"I want you on top."

He shook his head. "Nope. You're running the show."

I took my jeans and panties off and straddled him, lowering down so I could kiss him. His hands tangled in my hair, then slid down my back so he was cupping my behind. We kissed and kissed and when I felt him get hard I sat back, watching him closely as I put him inside.

I waited for him to stop me, to put something on, but he didn't. I was on the pill. We'd done the doctor thing, not together, but we'd done it. Still. I paused, giving him time to stop me. Our eyes met and he grabbed my waist, pulling me down so that we were together-together.

We loved slowly, lazily, until he sat up and turned us over so that he was over me. There was something extra sexy somehow about doing it half dressed, all sensations focused only on the places we were interlocked. Alice knocked on the door, saying the cab was there. Edward released into me with a quiet grunt, his rough fingers soft as he held my face, kissing me.

I called for Alice to stall the cab and I rushed to clean up, knowing we hadn't chosen the best time to go bare.

Outside, it was freezing. The girls kissed and hugged me at the door, Alice promising to call when she got in to Phoenix that night. Edward put my bags in the trunk and gave the driver money even though I had enough in my wallet.

"I'll miss you," I said. There was a lump in my throat. I wanted to hold it back until I was alone in the backseat, en route with headphones in my ears.

"I'll miss you too, Bella."

The drowsiness was gone from his face, his eyes were wide open and serious and so green. I remembered the first time I'd noticed their color, how almost-startling it had been.

He kissed me softly, running his tongue just barely against mine, something warm in the cold outside.

* * *

_i'm just now starting to get the reviews you guys have written for the past few chapters. thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts. i love it all, whether you're being gushy or contrary. ;)_

_oh! gorgeous banner made my my banner ingenue famouslyso - http:/oi55(dot)tinypic(dot)com/2wheb6t(dot)jpg will post on my tumblr, too, just in case._


	12. Smoke

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

The dry warmth of Phoenix was a welcome change of pace from the Bay, which had been particularly drizzly in the days before I left.

It was good to see my parents. My mother picked me up from the airport, bubbling over with questions and family news. She had the week planned out, from the relatives we'd host to the pies I'd have to Google recipes for. One thing about my mom: she lived for entertaining but she couldn't cook or bake for her life.

The ride home from the airport was a little surreal. Things felt different - the houses, the trees, even the colors; it was a lot more sun bleached than what I remembered. It was home, though, and the familiarity of my neighborhood streets soon made my heart ache with nostalgia.

I spent the remainder of the day unpacking and chatting with my mom, and when my dad got home I caught up with him until we both started to nod off. I took a shower and snuggled into bed. My childhood room was pretty generic these days, as most of my personal things were either with me in the Bay or put away in the attic.

I'd texted Edward when I'd landed but by the time I fell asleep he hadn't responded.

* * *

Alice and I were at her house, lounging by the heated pool. The air was cool and dry, the sun high in the sky.

I'd just rolled on to my stomach when my phone rang. I rooted around my purse, hoping it was who I thought it was.

My heart skipped a beat as I squinted to read the caller ID: Edward.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey yourself. How's home?"

"Good. I… missed it more than I realized."

"I can imagine," he said.

"How about you? What are you up to today?"

Alice stood, holding out her hand so I'd give her my empty glass. I watched her retreat through the sliding glass doors.

"Working. I'm trying to finish a few things up since we'll be gone for a couple of days in January," he replied. I could hear the sound of machinery behind him.

"Makes sense," I said, adjusting my bathing suit bottom. "So… what were you guys up to last night?"

He chuckled. "Checking up on me?"

"No," I laughed back. "But you didn't text back, so..."

"I was out playing pool with Em and Jasper. Rose was with us, actually."

"Oh, nice." A twinge of longing pulled at me; I missed him.

"Yeah… listen, I have to go, get a few things done. We're working through lunch today."

"All right." I tried to push away the disappointment. "Thanks for calling back."

"You don't have to thank me."

Why did everything feel so awkward? Ugh, sometimes I hated talking on the phone.

"Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry I didn't respond to your message last night."

"It's okay."

"Not really. I should've. Anyway, I do have to go now. Have fun with your family, okay?"

"Okay. Miss you," I said, feeling how acutely underwhelming the sentiment was.

"Miss you too."

We disconnected and I dropped my phone back into my purse.

Feeling like crying, I stood up, letting the sun kiss me for just a moment before I dove into the tepid blue water.

* * *

My parents were hosting Christmas dinner, so by mid day our home was filled with family and close friends.

One of my cousins had gotten married in the time that I'd been gone. I knew she'd gotten married –we'd all been invited –but they'd done it in Scotland so very few family members had actually attended. Not that I hadn't tried to finagle a ticket out of my father.

Anyway, Elizabeth was expecting now. I watched in fascination at how different she seemed, her hand often hovering near her already-swelling belly. Her husband was so attentive, too, and what I once would have found clingy and annoying I now found endearing. They were like one unit now, in a really complementary way.

Then there was Bree, a girl I'd grown up with. Her parents and mine had always been close, even when the two of us had grown apart. We'd always been okay, though, despite having different friends in high school. After dinner she and I sat around talking and sipping on wine, sharing college stories. Apparently she was dating some amazing guy that she just couldn't stop going on about. He'd left to visit family out of state but called her all the time.

As I described my relationship with Edward, I couldn't help but feel like maybe I was missing something. Bree seemed supportive and happy for me, clasping my hands in excitement when I told her the story of how we'd met and all that, but it dimmed in comparison to what she had.

It was dumb; I knew it was. Every relationship is as different and unique as the people in them, and playing the comparison game now was pointless. I loved who Edward was and for the most part I understood his ways.

But maybe that was part of the problem: I loved him, and I couldn't tell if he loved me. It had been nearly seven months.

Time tables are arbitrary… but emotions aren't. I knew how I felt and sometimes, even after all this time, he was difficult for me to read.

I realized maybe I did want the attentiveness and the phone calls, the hand holding, and if that wasn't who he was then I wanted him to prove to me in _other_ ways that we didn't need it because what we had went beyond it.

He cared about me a lot, that was apparent, but I realized I wanted proof of love.

His Merry Christmas text came later that evening, when I was watching a movie with my parents. My fingertips hovered over the letters but I couldn't respond. I felt too churned up inside.

Maybe I was being childish and insensible, who knew. I hadn't exactly had a lot of men in my life before; the things I'd done and felt with him were mostly firsts for me. Thoughts of how he kissed me and touched me, of how it felt when we made love inundated me. It certainly felt like we had something special.

I knew one thing though: if Edward and I were at such different points in our lives that we wanted different things relationship-wise, it might be wise to have The Talk sooner than later.

No matter how much the thought made my stomach hurt.

* * *

I lay on my back in the backyard, my legs propped up one my mother's lime tree. After a trip to Florida the year before she'd decided to tropicalize the property with everything from a tiki bar on the patio to various citrus trees lining the backyard. As kitschy and campy as it had sounded over the phone, I had to admit it was really cute in reality. Very colorful and welcoming.

"Okay, now give me your other foot," Alice commanded, tapping my leg.

I carefully lowered my leg and rested it on her lap. She'd gotten a henna set for Christmas and was experimenting on me. It looked fabulous, of course. If I tried to paint something with henna it would look like a five year old had done it.

"I like it," I said, wiggling my toes as I admired her handiwork.

"Thanks. So, go on."

We'd been discussing my recent epiphanies about my relationship with Edward.

"I guess…" I paused, gathering my thoughts, trying to find the best words. "I've never ever felt like this before. I mean, I love him. And I'm afraid that I'm just going to keep on falling in deeper while he just maintains this easy going, cool as a cucumber…thing. I know he likes me – "

" – he more than likes you," interrupted Alice. "I'm just saying."

"Well, maybe he does. But I need to know. Because… I don't want to get hurt. That sounds stupid; we all get hurt at some point but I don't know if I can handle it with him."

"I understand," she said gently, holding my foot still.

"So… I feel like we'll have to talk about it when I get back."

"Like on the ski trip?"

"Maybe." I shrugged. "I don't want to ruin things… I could wait until we get back afterwards…"

"It doesn't have to be something horrible," she said. "You're good with words and he's a smart guy. Just… tell him what's on your mind."

"Easier said than done."

"I know," she sighed. "But if you're feeling like this it's going to bug you until you say something. You know that right?"

Nodding, I gazed at the designs on my ankle and foot. Alice was right.

I wanted to get back now more than ever.

* * *

_~air~_

* * *

Alice and I had the same flight back to Oakland. We weren't sitting together, but the man sitting next to me didn't seem to mind switching with Alice. Having been up late the night before saying our goodbyes, we were both a little more exhausted than we'd have liked and ended up dozing on the plane.

The plane hit the runway, jarring me out of my half conscious sate. Instead of feeling refreshed I was even groggier. I elbowed Alice, rousing her as well. That girl could sleep through a war.

We texted Rose to let her know we'd landed and then caught BART to the Rockridge station, where she was finishing up a shift a local pizza joint. Hunger won out over sleepiness and we pigged out on a spinach and mushroom deep dish while filling Rose in on the latest. Ironically she'd spent quite a bit of time with both Edward and Jasper because of Emmett.

She seemed surprised when I brought up my upcoming talk with Edward, but not because she didn't agree with me.

"I've often thought that about him," she said, shrugging. "Not that I should talk. Em says getting me to express myself is like pulling teeth."

"How's that for a switch?" Alice laughed, grabbing another slice. "You're pretty chatty with us."

"Yeah, but that's you guys. Talking about feelings with my boyfriend is a whole different story. It makes me …I don't know. I hate being vulnerable like that."

"Emmett's great, though," I said, staring into my Coke.

"Which is why I talk to him at all," Rose sighed. "But you know how long that took."

I nodded. It had taken Emmett awhile to break Rose's barriers but once he had they'd become quite the duo. Rose's biological father had been really abusive when she was little, and though she'd gone to therapy and even volunteered with a local group for abused kids, she was still a tough nut to crack. She didn't trust people easily, most especially men. It didn't help that she was probably the prettiest I'd ever seen that wasn't a movie star or something; she was forever getting unwanted attention.

Edward didn't have anything like that in his past; he was just quiet. He and Rose really were alike in disposition, though. I recalled being a little afraid of her when we'd first met, too.

Still, the bottom line was that Rose knew what I was going through. She understood.

"Just give him a chance to explain himself before getting all weepy," she smirked.

"I'm not going to get weepy!" I scowled, tossing down my napkin.

She arched her eyebrow as if to say _oh really?_

"Jeez. It's not like we're… we're breaking up or something. I just want to have a heart to heart."

"I know, but Edward's a hard-ass," Rose said.

Alice smacked her arm. "You're not helping. Bella, just say whatever it is you need to say. It'll be fine."

* * *

His phone rang so many times I thought for sure it would go to is voice mail, but it didn't.

"Hello."

"Hey… Edward. It's me. I'm back."

"I know," he chuckled. "You've been back; I was beginning to think you weren't going to call me."

It surprised me that he'd remembered what time my return flight was.

"Yeah… Alice and I met Rose to eat and then we caught a cab home."

"Cool, cool. So how are you? Glad to be back?"

"I am. Oakland definitely feels like home now," I said honestly.

"You ready for tomorrow?"

My stomach flip flopped. "Yep."

"Good. It's about a three and a half hour drive so we'll be by to pick you up around nine. We're taking the Navigator because it has extra seats," he said. "I think Jasper wants to go and if he goes you know he'll want to bring Alice."

"What Navigator? Whose is it?"

"Mine."

I frowned. "What?"

"It's mine but I usually let Riley drive it. The truck is more useful for my line of work, you know?"

"Makes sense."

"Anyway, I got a bunch of stuff to do before tomorrow. Let me know if there's anything you want me to grab before we leave, okay?"

I'd been hoping to see him sooner than that. Feeling a little like a deflated balloon, I sighed. "Okay."

"And Bella?"

"Hm?"

"I missed you."

Small words, but they meant a lot to me. I swallowed back the lump in my throat, wishing I wasn't so emo at the moment. Maybe I was getting my period.

"Missed you too."

Not seeing Edward that night turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I was more exhausted than I'd thought and after unpacking, doing laundry and then packing again I passed out.

* * *

Alice woke me the next morning. "C'mon babe. It's already eight thirty."

"Crap. Didn't set my alarm," I mumbled.

"I figured. Hurry, go shower." She was already dressed, her hair wrapped in a towel.

I hurried through my morning routine, and had just shoved the last of a granola bar into my mouth when the buzzer for the outside gate went off. Alice let the boys in.

I still had such a physical reaction to Edward. Seeing him this way suddenly reminded me of the first night we'd met. He was so self-assured, so handsome. His eyes crinkled when he saw me and he crossed the room slowly, pulling me into a hug.

"Hey."

I wrapped my arms around his middle. "Hi."

We embraced for a second and then he leaned back, tilting my chin so he could kiss me.

My heart raced. I really, really loved him. I hoped he felt the same.

The ride up to South Lake Tahoe was pretty fun. Riley and his new girlfriend Vicki rode up front while the rest of us took the back. I'd never been to Lake Tahoe and I was captivated b the natural beauty. It was breath taking.

And cold. I was grateful for the winter wear Rose had lent me for the weekend. She was staying behind in the Bay, mostly because of her job and Emmett. I didn't doubt they'd make their own fun, though.

Edward and Riley had made reservations at a bed and breakfast called the Black Bear Inn. It was rustic and lovely luxurious, and everything I'd imagined Lake Tahoe would be. Several guest houses sat nestled amongst the deep green trees, smoke rising from their chimneys.

We checked in and separated to go to our rooms, agreeing to meet back in the Great Room in half an hour.

I was starting to get anxious again. Now that we were here I was going to have to figure out the best time to do this, to have this talk. I tried not to psyche myself out but it was hard.

Turns out, Edward had plans of his own. "C'mon, Bella. It's time to teach you how to ski."

* * *

Hours later Edward helped me limp back to our room.

My ass was sore and I was chilled to the bone. I was sure that I'd be black and blue when I stripped for a bath.

Still, my attempts at skiing had been fun and exhilarating. And Edward was really sexy on the slopes. I wanted to strip him down, too.

"You go first," he said, steering me toward the bathroom once our boots and outwear were off.

"Can't we go together?" I asked through chattering teeth.

Edward hesitated, and then nodded. He started the water while I got undressed. I was exhausted, but also aroused by the steam and hot water, and by Edward. We washed and kissed inside the tub but when I reached for him he twisted away, laughing a bit.

I knew he probably just wanted to be comfortable in bed – if his limbs were anything like mine after a day of skiing he probably had the shakes –but my lack of confidence concerning his true feelings just about boiled over. Biting my lip viciously, I climbed out of the tub.

I dried off quickly, wanting to be out of the bathroom when Edward came out. He followed me into the bedroom, not bothering to fully dry off. Shivering, I tightened my towel and started fumbling with the fireplace, adding wood.

Edward came over and stoked it, his towel hanging off his hips, the water glistening atop his skin.

Out of nowhere I started trembling, so bad I could hardly stand it. He glanced up at me, his mouth open like he was going to say something. He shut it when he saw me. And frowned.

"Bella?"

I backed toward the bed and sat down.

"I have to talk to you," I said, in a voice much smaller than I'd meant to have.

"That doesn't sound too good," he said, laughing uneasily. He came and sat next to me but I scooted back a little, needing some space if I was going to get this out.

Why was I so nervous? We'd been dating for months!

"I … thought a lot while I was gone," I began, unable to look at his face. If I did, I'd either lose my nerve or start crying again. "I realized some things."

He stayed silent; I guess waiting for me to continue.

I picked at the duvet, willing my shakiness to go away. "I need to know what I am to you."

He took a while to answer. "What are you really asking me, Bella?"

"I'm asking what I mean to you. Because I know what you mean to me, but you're incredibly hard to read. Sometimes I feel like you're one of the people I'm closest to but then other times it's like… it's like you're someplace else."

I looked at him right as he brought his eyes to mine. So green.

"You scare me, Edward."

"Why?"

"Because I love you, and I don't know if you love me." I looked down again, not wanting him to see my tears. The last thing I needed was to be involuntarily manipulative, a crying girl begging for affirmation.

He got up and for a second I thought, irrationally, that he was going to leave - just get dressed and just go somewhere else. But he didn't. He drew the curtains so it was a little darker, gazing outside as he did so.

"You don't have to be afraid of me, Bella," he murmured, coming back to me. "I care about you, a lot. I always have. You caught me by surprise, how fast you became part of my life." He scrubbed his hands over his face. "When it comes to explaining myself I'm just… I'm not that guy. I don't know who you want me to be."

He wasn't being sarcastic or cruel, just achingly honest.

My pulse finally started to even out a little. I wiped the back of my hands across my eyes.

"I want you to be you," I said.

His warm hands were on me then. He pulled me up off the bed and took both my towel and his and dropped them on the floor. Then he led me around to the side and peeled the covers back and brought me inside the warmth.

I let him kiss me, my love and need for him almost overwhelming, even though questions and thoughts were racing through my brain. He nudged my legs apart and started to slide against me.

"Do you?" I whispered, and his face was blurry.

"Yes, I do." he said, his mouth at my ear. "I do. I love you."


	13. Spoon

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

It was dark when I woke up.

Slowly, experimentally, I stretched my legs, extending them beneath the heavy blankets. I was sore all over, inside and out. Parts of me I'd only known about in theory were now aching for real.

Edward stirred beside me. I turned to face him; his features become visible as my eyes adjusted to the dark. Sleep softened his face, erased the crease between his eyes, formed from frowning and squinting in the sun. I touched my face there and felt a little wrinkle of my own, although softer.

I felt soft and wrung out, physically and emotionally drained. We'd had plans to meet the others for dinner in the dining area – I'd been told the Black Bear Inn was known for its gourmet seasonal fare – but obviously we'd slept through it. No one had called, though, either. They were probably as exhausted as we were.

Although probably not for all of the same reasons.

So Edward loved me. I believed him when he said it; he wasn't one to speak indulgently or use words to placate feelings. If anything he was honest to a fault.

The thing was… he'd had my heart for quite some time now. I'd just never really let him know. There was plenty of I Like You and I Miss You but I Love You kind of catapulted us into a different stratosphere altogether. All of the proverbial cards were on the table.

It wasn't that I was afraid he'd act differently now that he knew the extent of my devotion, it was that I worried he _wouldn't_. I didn't ever want Edward to be someone he wasn't, but I hoped sincerely that who we were really were, now that we'd come to this place in our relationship, was right for one another. It seemed so effortless for some people, like Alice and Jasper. And even Rose, for all of her stubbornness, was a good match for Emmett.

I'd fight for something amazing with Edward; he was worth it to me. I just hoped he'd fight, too.

Peeling back the covers, I slipped out of bed to use the bathroom. The fireplace was still burning but it had mellowed to a dim flicker and I was chilly. I hurried back to bed as quickly as possible, shivering.

"You cold?" Edward mumbled.

"I'll be okay," I whispered, curling into a ball.

"'s not what I asked," he said, and I felt his hand on my hip, pulling me closer.

I scooted over, lining my body up with his, and kissed his neck.

He sighed, his arm tightening around me.

Suddenly I was on top of him. He tugged the blankets up over us and held me tight.

"You feel good," he said.

I wiggled, a little surprised to feel that he was hard. We'd done it just a couple of hours ago.

"You too."

I ground into him slowly, getting myself worked up before lowering onto him.

Our breathing increased, two bodies, one movement. Like always, he gripped my hips with his hardened, calloused hands, maneuvering me the way he wanted. I'd found that I loved when he did that, because what he wanted was usually what I wanted as well.

Sliding my hands down to his sides, I flattened my body against his, wanting to feel more of his skin on my skin. It changed the angle, making it a little more difficult to move.

His hands left my hips and cupped my face, urging a kiss. He rolled me on to my back and slid in slowly, kissing me long and slow. Sometimes his kisses drove me into a hotter state of arousal than the actual sex. I felt wide open and receptive, wanting everything he had to give me; his body, his heart, himself.

He pulled out and kissed his way down my neck to my nipples, down my chest to my belly button, to each of my hip bones and then below. I'd been close to coming from before so it didn't take long for his mouth to make me melt, and then he was inside me again, hard and fast, sliding wet and good.

This was only the third time we'd been together without a condom. It was messy, but it was our mess, and I liked it. He stilled above me, his body expanding and contracting with the intensity of each breath.

This was always the moment when I wanted to tell him I loved him, but self preservation had always kept me from doing it. I didn't want that anymore, though. I didn't need to tell him all the time, a mindless mantra, but I wanted the freedom to tell him when it felt right.

"I love you."

He shuddered one last breath and pulled away slightly, kissing my closed eyelids.

"I sure hope so," he teased. I opened my eyes and stuck my tongue out and he swooped down, catching my mouth with his. I giggled at the goofiness of the kiss, all awkward and thick tongues and silly. He pulled out and got off the bed, pulling me with him to the shower.

"C'mon, lover girl. "

* * *

Since we'd gone to bed so early the day before, we were up and ready at a decent time in the morning.

We dressed quickly and met Riley, Vicky, Alice and Jasper in the dining area to eat. The food was more than I'd hoped for; rich, delicious and fresh.

As I'd suspected, the others had all had early nights as well, although I doubted it had just involved sleep. This had to be one of the most relaxing and romantic places I'd ever been to. Even Alice and Jasper were looking a little handsy.

Afterward we headed over to Heavenly Ski resort to ride the lifts and attempt the slopes.

I was still rather wobbly on my skis, and I fell a lot, but I was improving. Edward was patient, biting back laughter and quick to help me to my feet time and time again.

After a couple of hours we all grabbed lunch at a nearby restaurant. Alice and I urged the others to go on ahead while we did something else for awhile. Like me, she was new to the winter sport thing and was as ready to chill as I was.

"Just call or text if you want us to find you," Edward said, patting the pocket where his phone was hidden.

"I will. Go. Have fun," I said, shooing him away.

Alice turned to me. "So…"

I rolled my eyes, smiling. "You just can't wait, can you?"

"Pssh, no way. Spill."

"I told him. And… he feels the same way," I said quietly, wrapping my icicle fingers around a steaming after lunch latte.

She nodded. "I thought he might."

"It wasn't, like, this grand declaration or anything. Edward's not the most…"

"Gooey."

"Gooey," I smirked, "person around. But that's okay."

She shrugged. "You never know. Maybe he'll surprise you one day."

"Maybe." I sipped at my drink. "Anyway…thanks for encouraging me. You and Rose both. I needed to stop freaking out."

Alice swiped her spoon through the crest of whipped cream atop her cocoa. "I sort of see it both ways, Bella. On one hand, Edward's not a mind reader… so you can't really expect him to just… know what you're thinking. Or feeling. But on the other hand, you deserve someone who's crazy about you. You should never settle. Ever."

I nodded, knowing what she said was true.

"Bottom line is you have to communicate. A lot. And make sure he's communicating too, in a way that you get."

"When did you get so wise?"

She winked. "Cosmo."

I giggle-choked, nearly spraying our table with coffee.

"Kidding, kidding!" She laughed out loud. "I just… I don't know. It makes sense."

"You've always been intuitive," I said, squeezing her hand. "Thanks."

* * *

We were high in the air when the sun went down, riding a lift back to the resort.

Deliciously tired. I could live like this every day.

Edward knocked my knee with his, drawing my attention away from the gorgeousness around me.

"So, you like it?"

"Are you kidding me? I love this. I don't want to leave."

"I was worried it would be too cold for you, being a frail desert flower and all," he said, his eyes flashing impertinently.

"Shut up," I snorted, elbowing him. "I happen to like cold weather."

"I do, too."

We rode in silence awhile, our legs dangling and swinging.

"I'm glad you came with me, Bella."

My heart fluttered. I looked up at him, enamored with his wind-reddened cheeks, his keen green eyes. They'd been hidden most of the day because of the sunglasses we'd both been wearing, but now, in the almost-evening, they were focused on me. His eyes were always so surprising, like it was a treat to see them, something rare.

"Me too. I'm glad you invited me."

He leaned over and kissed me softly. I wondered briefly how lips stayed so warm, even on the coldest of days.

"You still afraid of me?" The question was barely above a breath.

My eyes drifted open— I hadn't realized they'd closed –and locked with his. "I don't think so…"

"You trust me?"

I nodded, involuntarily gripping his jacket in my fist.

"You have to tell me… okay?" He looked at my mouth, kissed it. "I don't want to lose you because you think I don't feel enough."

My stomach tightened at his admission.

"I love the way you keep it real between us," he continued. "And yeah… I love you."


	14. Scale

_Twilight is not mine. But I suppose this plot is._

* * *

Not much had changed between Edward and me. Outwardly, that is.

Inside, things felt different; everything was so focused now. Before, I'd been pretty happy to just chill with him, living life, not thinking too much about the future. I mean, I thought about my future in terms of classes and whether or not I'd continue to live in Oakland after I graduated – that sort of thing—but I hadn't really done that with Edward.

Maybe it had been a subconscious decision _not_ to put perimeters and labels on something because I was afraid I might not like what I ended up with. Or maybe I really hadn't been concerned before. For once, I'd been just going with the flow.

In reality, though… nothing stays the same. If it does, it's stagnates and even then that means its rotting. If it's not growing, it's dying.

Upping the ante with my feelings-for-Edward was like a skin shedding its skin: a little messy and really necessary.

It felt good to look ahead into my future and see him there.

* * *

"End of vacation blues?" Edward asked, his eyes twinkling like jewels over the gluttonous, gloppy sundae he was eating.

I shrugged, mashing my spoon around my ice cream. "Kind of. I got used to sleeping in and chillin'. Now I have...ugh. Early classes."

"Why didn't you choose a later one? They didn't have any?"

"Not for this one course. It was take it at eight or don't take it at all. And I have to take it."

"Ah. Sucks."

"Yep." I shoved a huge bite into my mouth. No sooner did I feel the cool trickle of something sweet and sticky dribbling down my chin Edward wiped it with his finger and sucked it off.

My stomach fluttered the way it did when he did things like that. Intimate things.

Our first date. The omelet.

"I love when you do stuff like that," I said, using a napkin to wipe whatever he had missed.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Such a woman."

I grinned at my banana split, nodding.

* * *

"My mother wants to meet you."

We were standing just inside his front door, still in jackets. Edward was sorting his mail; tossing the junk into a recycling bin he kept by the coat rack.

"She already did." I frowned, gesturing toward his coffee table. "Remember? The pizza…"

"I know. But she wants to meet you again," he explained. "Properly. She wants to know you. My dad too."

"She wants to know your dad? What, is he like you? Hard to crack?"

"Smart ass. _He_ wants to meet _you_."

"I want to meet them too. Is your dad like you?"

"He's a psychiatrist."

"Ah. That explains a lot."

"You're really feisty since we got back from Tahoe, you know that?"

"Am I?" I asked, knowing I probably was.

Edward grunted in response, looking up at me. The late afternoon sun caught his eyes, setting them ablaze.

"You're feisty too," I said. "In your own way. Quiet feist."

He snorted, kicking off his boots.

I followed him into the kitchen. "So when are we going to their house? For dinner or something?"

"Whenever. We can go this weekend if you want."

"Okay."

I didn't know if this was a big deal or not, if it was significant to him or his parents, but it mattered to me. Now that they were allowed to grow freely, the scale of my feelings had only intensified. I wondered if he felt the same way; it couldn't be coincidence that we were arranging dinner with his parents a week after our "I love yous".

Suddenly the ground beneath our feet trembled. The plates and glasses in the cabinet rattled and a pile of papers on the kitchen table slipped to the floor with a whoosh.

I froze, my heart pounding, and looked at Edward. He was standing next to the fridge, his eyes trained on me. It got a little rough, and I reached for the wall.

It ended as quickly as it began.

"Whoa," I breathed. The vague sense of panic that had hit me started to fade.

Edward crossed the room and came to stand next to me, grasping my elbow. "You okay?"

"Yeah…"

"First earthquake?" His smile was gentle.

Nodding, I leaned my head on his chest. I love how he smelled; like wood and paint and detergent.

His hands ran through my hair, tugging gently, and then he held me.

* * *

_hi guys! so, we just moved in to a new house - hence the late chapters and further suckiness with review replies. enjoy, though!_

_xoxo_


	15. Minotaur

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

"When I was little I wanted a winged horse," I said, gazing out the window as we climbed higher and higher into the Berkeley Hills. "A white one."

"I'll bet you wanted to be a princess too," Edward chuckled, his hand leaving my knee momentarily so he could switch gears.

"I did, but not the kind who lives in a castle. Not… you know. Medieval." I closed my eyes, remembering. "I was obsessed with Greek and Roman myths. My dad gave me this book of stories with the most amazing illustrations when I was learning to read – "

"Greek mythology for a toddler? What happened to Dr. Seuss?"

"Shush," I laughed. "Listen. So anyway, he had to read it to me, obviously, but after a while I began recognizing the words and stories. I still have that book."

"So you wanted to be a princess from ancient Rome or Greece."

"Basically. I still love those dresses…"

"Bed sheets?"

"Stop pretending to be uncultured. I've seen the historical architectural digests and tomes and crap. I know you're well versed."

"Feisty."

I rolled my eyes and looked back out the window, hiding my smile. I knew what he was doing: teasing me so that I wouldn't be too nervous about going to meet his parents. Surprisingly, I wasn't as anxious as I thought I'd be, but I wasn't completely calm either. I guess I had butterflies, and not the romantic kind.

"You played with My Little Pony, didn't you..."

I looked back at him, a deep belly laugh bubbling up through my gut. "Why?"

"They had little Pegasus ponies…"

"How do you even know that?" I gasped, cracking up at the thought of Edward playing with tiny pastel girl toys.

"Two sisters, Bella," he said, sighing exaggeratedly. "Keep up, now."

"Oh, okay. Yeah. I had Windy Wisp and Crystal Princess."

"I'm going to act like it's normal for you to remember those names."

"It is."

Edward pulled into a hidden driveway suddenly. "Well, just so you know, I'll be your minotaur anytime."

"Eww," I giggled. "They're creepy and gross. Why can't you be my Greek god?"

"What, your Adonis?" he cooed, turning off the truck.

"You look like an Adonis," I admitted, blushing as I unbuckled my seat belt.

"Now _that's_ creepy and gross. That guy was a douche," he teased, grabbing me before I got out of the cab. "Hey."

"What?"

"C'mere."

"You c'mere."

He yanked me close and kissed me good.

"Minotaur. Tonight," he whispered, winking pervily as he let go.

Yeah, no. That wasn't happening.

* * *

The Cullen's home was incredible, built right on the side of the mountain so that it overlooked the bridges way off in the distance. The house was split level, spacious and open with lots of windows and sky lights. Plants everywhere. Lots of wood.

"This is what I want my house to look like," Edward said after he'd let us in.

I thought it was kind of weird that we didn't just ring the doorbell and wait for someone to answer it, but whatever. Come to think of it, Esme Cullen had barged right into Edward's house that one time too. Must be a family tradition.

"Mom," Edward called, motioning for me to follow him.

"In here," she called back.

We followed the scent of something mouth watering into the kitchen, which was of course state of the art and gorgeous.

"Hi honey," she said, tiptoeing so that she could kiss Edward. "Hi, Bella. I'm so glad you finally made it up."

"Oh, sure. I'm… I'm really glad you invited me. Thank you."

She smiled, waving her hand. "We've been telling Edward to bring you forever."

I gave him a questioning look. He just shook his head slightly. "Dad home yet?"

"He's on his way. I asked him to pick up another bottle of wine. You like red, right Bella?"

"Sure."

"She prefers white," Edward said, leaning against the counter.

"No, it's fine," I protested, a tiny bit embarrassed. Esme seemed pretty mellow, and I didn't want her thinking I was finicky.

Esme retrieved a bottle of white from what I presumed was a wine cooler. "It's fine. I like white myself."

She poured us each a glass and then got a chilled pilsner from the freezer for Edward, even opening it for him. I thought it was funny; he didn't seem the type to need doting but, thinking of my own mother, that didn't stop a mom from doing it.

"Thanks, Mom."

"Sure. Listen, dinner's going to be another fifteen minutes or so. Why don't you show Bella around a bit?"

"Why didn't you tell me she'd wanted me?" I asked once we were in the next room.

"What?"

"That they wanted me to come sooner?"

"I didn't want to scare you off," he said, sipping his beer.

I frowned. "I thought guys were usually the ones afraid to meet the parents."

"My dad's a pain. We'll be here all night listening to his rambling and lofty pontificating."

"Um…okay? I thought he was a psychiatrist."

He shrugged. "He is. That's what he does... discuss, dissect, question, answer... when he finds out you go to Berkeley – like he did –you'll be in for it."

"Don't make me look forward to this so much," I said, making a face.

"He means well enough. I'm just giving you a heads up; he can be a little long winded and pretentious."

Everything Edward wasn't. I doubted this was a coincidence.

"Do you get along with your father?"

"I do, actually, yes. But I didn't always. My mother and Riley used to have to referee."

I stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue.

He pulled me along, nodding toward the living room, and then the dining room as we strolled.

"I'm all for feeding your head, but he's an academic snob. It gets old. My mother's just as educated as he is but she doesn't feel the need to showcase it every chance she gets."

"I like your Mom," I said, going to look out one of the windows in the study we'd walked in to.

"She likes you too."

"Yeah?" I asked, a little relieved. "I'm glad."

He nodded.

"So…"

"My dad's not that bad. Just remember if he starts to feel you out that he does this to everybody. "

We walked down the hall and into another room.

"This was my room, many moons ago."

It looked like a guest room now, classy but generic.

"My dad wanted me to be a head doctor, follow in his footsteps and all that."

I shrugged. "That's common enough."

"Yeah, it is. "

We were quiet awhile. I poked around, looking at a painting on the wall above the bed.

"I'm glad you brought me."

"Me too." His hand brushed my arm, briefly, purposely. "You had to meet 'em eventually."

I nodded, looking out one of the windows, imagining Edward as a teenager, coming home past curfew and throwing parties when his parents were out of town.

There was a distant thump; the front door. His father was home.

"Come on, I'll introduce you," Edward said, clasping my hand.

I wondered absently if it was for his benefit or mine.


	16. Psychic

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

"Finally. The elusive Bella." Carlisle Cullen set his grocery bag down and clasped my offered hand into both of his. "It's nice to finally meet you, my dear; I'm Carlisle."

"Hi, Carlisle," I said, making sure to maintain eye contact. He was a handsome man, although I thought Edward looked more like his mother. "Thank you for having me."

"I told her we've been anxious to meet her," Esme said, joining us in the foyer. "Come on, I'm just setting the table."

Edward swiped up the grocery bag and we walked into the dining room.

"Can I help you bring anything out?" I asked Esme, wanting to feel useful.

"No, sweetie, that's all right – you relax. Carlisle can help."

I nodded, smiling at her. The dining room was sparsely furnished, most of the focus being the huge window looking out over the ravine and San Francisco across the Bay. It reminded me of the view from Grizzly Peak.

Esme and Carlisle brought out lasagna, salad, bread and wine. Edward had already told me of the divinity that was his mother's cooking; I couldn't wait to eat.

"I assume you like Italian, Bella?" Carlisle asked, winking.

I could almost feel Edward rolling his eyes. "You're so cheesy, Dad."

"What? She's got an Italian name."

"Yeah, she's fresh off the boat," Edward snarked.

I poked his thigh, giving him a look. "Actually, Mr. Cullen – "

"Carlisle."

"Oh, okay – Carlisle, my maternal grandparents are from Sicily so, you're correct. I'm named after my grandma."

"Wonderful," crowed Carlisle, pouring me a glass of wine. "I was named after my father. We would've named Edward after me, but Esme wouldn't hear of it."

Esme snorted, passing the large salad bowl down to Edward. "I wanted my children to have their own identities, thanks."

"I have my own identity," Carlisle protested.

"I know you do," she soothed.

I swallowed back a laugh. Edward had made his father sound like a pompous ass, but so far he seemed kind of easy going to me. And his relationship with Esme was absolutely awesome. They were so… touchy-feely. My parents were affectionate in their own way, I supposed, but nothing like this.

After enjoying our meal for awhile and making polite chitchat, Carlisle poured himself another glass of wine, clearing his throat.

"So, Bella. How's Berkeley these days? I hear you're majoring in American literature?"

"Um… well, I don't know. I'm sort of undecided… I know that's really cliché…"

"Well, everyone's undecided at your age." He broke off a piece of bread and popped it into his mouth. "But what direction do you think you'll end up going in? I'm sure you've got some sort of inclination…"

"She's taking lit classes, Dad. Who knows what she'll be doing in two or three years? I didn't know at that age." Edward sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"No, you didn't. But not everyone's like you."

"You're right, maybe Bella's psychic," Edward teased, and I was relieved to hear the playful note in his voice.

Carlisle shook his head, smiling ruefully. "Bella?"

"No, Edward's right," I said quickly. "I'm really not sure about anything yet; it's looking like a lot of lit classes at the moment. And a lot of general courses. I'll start narrowing things down next year."

"What professions interest you?"

_Oh Lord._ I could see what Edward meant now. I'd never been all that comfortable being in the spotlight. Meeting new people was awkward enough, but I managed to make do. Conversation with said people took getting used to, but I managed. Having to answer a bunch of questions, though? Ugh. I yearned for Rose's quick witted sass or Alice's natural verbosity.

"I … maybe teaching? They say that's all you can do with English degrees anyway," I joked lamely, glancing at Edward.

He squeezed my thigh, his eyes trained on his father.

"Nothing wrong with teaching. Listen, I'm good friends with several of the professors down there as well as members of the board of trustees. I can put in a good word if you're interested in becoming an assistant at some point."

"Thank you," I said. "I might take you up on that."

"It's never too early…"

"Carlisle," Esme laughed quietly. "Will you leave the poor girl alone? She's never going to come back if you keep on."

"What?" He held his hands up innocently. "I'm merely giving her options."

Esme nodded. "I know, but relax."

Carlisle waved his hand. "Fine, fine."

The conversation shifted to Carlisle's practice which then evolved into a medical case he'd been working on with several colleagues. He was nicer than I'd anticipated – I'd been ready for meanness and condescension per Edward's warning – but I had to admit he was pretty long winded.

I'd always been rather confident with my vocabulary but between Carlisle's medical terms and segues into everything else under the sun, I felt a bit inadequate. It must have been interesting, to say the least, growing up in this house. The kids were either really intellectually stimulated, or really adept at tuning him out.

Esme, however, kept her eyes on her husband the entire time. Even when Edward and I zoned out, she kept right up. No wonder they got along well; she listened to his rambling and he did as she asked.

After cannoli and coffee, Edward and I said our goodbyes, promising to return soon.

"So. What did you think?" he asked as we wound down the dark, twisty road.

"They're nice, Edward. You made your Dad sound like an ogre."

"He was an ogre when I was growing up. He's mellowed out a lot."

"Have you mellowed out a lot?"

"Probably." He scrubbed his hand over his face. "Like I said, there were a lot of fights in that house. I think he finally gets that I'm good at what I've chosen, though."

"You're amazing at it."

He chuckled, quietly. "Yeah, well can you see why it was rough for someone like him to accept his son was doing something as common and lowbrow as construction?"

I cringed at the bare venom tainting his words. "Yeah, I can see. "

"But whatever," Edward said. "I probably sound like a bitter asshole."

"No, just like he hurt you," I said carefully.

"Hmm."

We were silent after that. Eventually we came back onto even ground, the hills behind us and the streetlights before us.

I wanted to hold his hand, but it occurred to me that maybe he just needed time in his head to think.

"Am I dropping you home?"

"Will you come in?"

He barely hesitated, thrumming his fingers on the wheel. "Okay."

Outside the gate to my building he shielded me from the brisk night wind, his rough fingers gentle on the back of my neck.

"Thanks," he whispered suddenly as I turned the key, the warmth of his breath sweet in my ear.

"You're welcome," I said, understanding him.

I pulled him into the courtyard and kissed him the way I loved to, the way I thought about doing whenever we were apart.


	17. Projection

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

* * *

Edward set down a bucket of paint, a tray to pour it in, and a roller.

"So just these two walls?"

"Yeah." He nodded, thumbing an invisible smudge. "These two. The other two are going to be a slightly different shade of green, really pale."

"I've never done this before," I warned, watching him empty the paint into the tray. I gingerly picked up my paint roller and dipped it.

"It'll be fine; you can't mess up," he assured me. "We can paint over any mistakes."

"Okay." I took a deep breath and made my first stripe of color across the blank white wall.

Edward backed slowly out of the room, pausing just inside the door. "It's all in your hands now," he said, smiling.

Edward had finally started building the home that he been dreaming of. For years he'd collected pictures, plans and prints, created his ideal of the perfect dwelling place. When we'd met, those blueprints had been a cherished scroll on the coffee table, something to be taken out and admired.

A wistful dream, a hopeful "one day I'll."

Much to everyone's surprise, when his grandfather passed away, he left the bulk of his estate to Edward. Carlisle Cullen the first had been a feisty, opinionated old man, known for his stubborn independence. I knew that Edward got along really well with him – they were rather close – but I hadn't realized just how tight they were until an unexpected chat one evening with Edward's sister Kate. She said that Grandpa had always been especially proud of Edward for forging his own path, and for seeking a livelihood that made him happy and not just his family.

If Edward's dad was miffed by the older man's will he didn't really show it.

So the house became a reality. Edward enlisted the help of several local contractors and builders he knew in the area and over the course of several months, raised up his home. Although home improvement was not my forte, I was over there as often as possible, helping out.

Hence today's painting project.

I worked for hours, switching my arms as they got sore. Honestly I was looking forward to the more detailed stuff, like painting the base boards. I'd helped Edward choose the colors for the few rooms he'd decided to paint. Most of them were off white with tons of woods and glass, but a couple of them – like the bedrooms – required something more.

I'd never met the man, but suddenly I wished the older Carlisle Cullen could have seen how his grandson chose to spend the money. He would have been so proud.

* * *

Edward was already asleep when I got out of the shower, late in the evening.

We'd spent the day at the new house, me painting and him doing… everything else. This was different for him, he explained over sandwiches mid way through the day.

"Usually I get a job, and I just go. My guys and I are moving within a very specific set of boundaries. The owners know exactly what they want, and apart from a couple of tweeks we suggest, that's what they get."

"But this is yours."

"Right. I've… I've been visualizing this for years and now that I'm actually seeing the tangible result, it's overwhelming. I just want to…"

"Tweek your plans." I'd glanced at the mahogany wood counter he'd been carving for a couple of days. The original had been very basic, classy but simple. What we had now was a work of art.

He'd smirked. "Yeah."

Edward wasn't that emotive generally; he didn't wear his emotions on his face or his heart on his sleeve. But sometimes, like earlier, I could see hints of what excited him – and that excited me. I gazed at him now, still except for the rise and fall of his breathing.

Yawning, I put slathered lotion on so I wouldn't feel itchy later and got into my pajamas. We usually weren't in bed by ten p.m, but it had been a long day. A good one.

* * *

"Bella."

Frowning, I rolled over, away from Edward's voice.

Yeah, I loved him. I loved sleep, too.

"I know you're awake. Come on." He poked my side.

I squirmed away. California King sized beds rocked: it was near impossible to roll out of one.

Suddenly he was on top of me, caging me with his arms and legs.

Squealing, I shot my arms out, holding him at bay. "Okay, okay I'm up! What?"

He grinned down at me, his messy hair and bright eyes making him look really young. "Time to work. I'll get you breakfast."

"Denny's?"

He screwed up his face, lowering down to kiss me. "Fine. Even though I know of much better places."

"Food snob," I murmured, turning my face. "No kissing before I brush my teeth."

He got up, rolling me back over so he could smack my butt. "Hurry."

I took a quick shower, knowing Edward was anxious to get back to the new house, and got dressed. We ate at Denny's and then headed up the hill to begin our day. I had to admit, I could see the appeal in the process. There was something very deeply satisfying about building, watching emptiness become full and chaos become order.

The original projection for the completion of Edward's house had been five months, give or take. Other factors played in to this, like weather, unexpected costs and the guys' schedule. Edward was paying Emmett and the others obviously, but they all had full time jobs that came first.

Still, it was obvious that this was a labor of love and Edward didn't mind taking his time with it.

I stood in the doorway for a few moments, watching him. He was lost to the world again; focused on the designs he was carving into what would be the kitchen counter. I loved watching him like this.

It made me want him, actually.

He'd turn me down though. His hands were filthy and likely full of splinters, and he was way too focused at the task of hand. I understood this about men, having spoken to my mother about Edward. She'd laughed and reminded me what Daddy was like when he was watching a game, or especially involved in a case at work.

"They focus on one thing at a time, baby. When it's work, it's work. But when it's you… you couldn't escape it if you tried."

I'd laughed and changed the subject, not really wanting to visualize my mom "trying to escape it". Although, I loved that my parents were so together-together. If Edward and I lasted, and I hoped we would, we both had really good examples of healthy relationships to draw from.

After a moment Edward glanced up, laying down his carving knife and cracking his knuckles.

"Hey."

"Hey," I said, crossing the room to sit beside him.

"How long ya been there?"

"Awhile," I said, running my finger over the designs in the wood. "I didn't want to interrupt you."

He nodded, getting up and bringing me with him.

"I think…" He paused, holding me at arm's length and then bringing me close. Closing my eyes and taking a breath of him, I waited for him to continue, knowing he would eventually.

I marveled at how the smells of wood shavings and varnish had become some of my favorite in the world.

"When is your lease up?" he asked.

"May."

"And… will you stay? There?"

I looked up at him. "I think so…"

We were quiet. He led me over to the window, where the sill was still a little rough around the edges. The trees outside rustled softly, rasping in the breeze.

"I'd love you here."

It took me a moment to hear what he'd said, and then another to absorb it.

He ran a hand through my hair, and then let go.

I turned around, seeing both him and the house differently.

His face was often the same, the mellow expression of acceptance and chillness I'd come to know. I'd even come to sort of love it, knowing that he was a master of keeping himself protected and private. His eyes though, those were his tell. I wondered if he knew.

He played poker a lot, and he won a lot. Obviously he was good at being plain faced.

But the guys he played with didn't know him the way I did, didn't talk to him about the sorts of things I did.

Didn't know, perhaps, that his eyes crinkled a little at the corners, or how they flickered back and forth between mine.

"I can see us here," he added. "Together."

Slowly, I nodded. "I… should talk to Alice and Rose. Let them know."

A tiny smile.

"And probably my parents. My dad's isn't going to like the thought of me shacking up with my boyfriend." I smiled, running my fingertips beneath the hem of his shirt, feeling his skin.

He stepped closer, bracing his arms on the empty window frame, framing _me_. "When will you know for sure?"

"I already know for sure."

The way he smiled, how I felt; I knew I'd made the right choice.


	18. Data

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

**_just one more after this..._**

* * *

The cab of the truck felt a little empty.

Bella was in school. I'd grown used to her sitting beside me, quietly looking at the passing scenery as we climbed up into the hills where the building site sat. My house wasn't in quite a prestigious area as my parent's, but it was a beautiful neighborhood. Trees, shade, sun.

So instead of her quiet smile and thoughtful glances I had just quiet and thoughtful. The guys were already at the house, working. I pulled in behind Emmett and jumped out, snatching the bag of doughnuts and muffins I'd bought from the bakery on my way up.

"How's it going, boss?"

I rolled my eyes at Mike and tossed him the bag. "Have breakfast."

"Thanks man…" His voice faded as I left the room, glancing around at the little things, the details. We were almost done now; by the time Bella got out of school for the summer she and I would probably be able to move in.

I walked in to the kitchen. Emmett was there, just finishing installing the doors on the cabinets. "Hey."

"Hey, Edward." He glanced briefly over his shoulder and nodded before returning to his task. "Just about done here."

"Yeah, I can see that. Looking good."

"The countertop looks great. I'm glad you put it in the other room though. It's nice…shouldn't be hidden in here," Emmett commented, brushing off his hands as he straightened up.

"I thought so too," I sai. The counter top I'd worked so hard on, carving designs and varnishing, was now one of the features on what would be the TV room. It was a really spacious room, and I wanted to have a built in bar, something for entertaining. In the end I'd gone ahead and installed a regular granite countertop in the kitchen.

I observed him for a moment more, watching him tighten screws and test how the doors open and shut.

"All right. I'll be outside."

"Okay," he said.

* * *

Bella followed me in to the house. It was silent; everyone had gone home hours before.

We seemed to spend more time here than at my other house lately, even though the other one still had all the comforts of an actual home.

"Wow," she breathed, setting her bag down by the door. "Every time I come something's different. Are you guys done? It looks done."

"No, but almost. I finished the windows today."

She nodded, her hands in her back pockets as she wandered around.

I remembered the first time we met. She'd had make up on, and nice clothes; nothing overdone or slutty, just sexy. I'd been attracted to her right away.

Looking at her now, I realized I was even more attracted to her; fresh face, ponytail, sweatshirt. I'd been in love before Bella, but never quite like I was _with_ Bella. She spoke my language and I spoke hers.

The sun was setting, filling the house with red gold light. The electrician had just been by, and had begun doing the wiring but it would be another couple of days before we had electricity.

"Come here," I said, taking her hand. We walked into my empty bedroom…our empty bedroom… where there was a blanket on the floor.

She looked up at me, her cheeks slightly red. "What's this?"

I smiled and sat down to unlace my boots.

She sat on the blanket, toed her sneakers off, and laid back.

"I love when you do things like this," she remarked.

"I know," I said, joining her. "I…missed you today."

"You did?" Her whisper was rounded by a smile.

"I did."

Late spring, and the day had been sunny and cool. Night was always chilly though. I took my jacket off, and my shirt, and she took her sweater off, and her shirt, and we met in the middle, her chest soft on mine.

I leaned over her and kissed her, touching my thumb to the pulse point in her neck. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too" she sighed, her hands locking behind my head, her fingers ticking through my hair.

Pulling away a little, I took her in: her warm brown eyes burnt gold from the sun filtering through the trees and into our window. Her lips, a little open. The slopes and curves of her breasts, still in her bra, moving with her breathing. She didn't even have to use words; the data was precise, obvious.

I knew she loved me.

"What?" she asked, smiling a little.

I shook my head and lowered my hand to pull down the zipper of her jeans. "Just realizing things."

Her voice got dreamy. "What sorts of things?" She lifted her hips so I could pull her pants off.

"The way you love me is all over you. It makes me love you more."

She rolled onto her back and arched, slipping her hands behind to unclasp her bra. "You surprise me still."

We were both naked now. I lay beside her and ran my hand over her skin, down her thigh and then up, sliding my hand high between her legs. "Good surprises?"

"Yeah."

She got on to her knees suddenly, and moved languidly down my body, her hair dragging across my chest and stomach. She took me in her mouth and I tangled my fingers in her hair, careful not to guide her, wanting her to do it the way she wanted.

Before long the heat of her mouth and the touch of her tongue, the sucking and the sounds and the sighs had me past the point of being able to stop.

"I'm gonna come, Bella," I heard myself moan, hurtling toward orgasm.

She popped off just long enough to tell me she knew and then continued working me until I came in her mouth.

She went to the bathroom while I recovered, one hand thrown across my face like it could protect me from the brightness of all that felt good, all that was good.

I felt her next to me then, and before she could speak I kissed her hard, thrusting my fingers into where she was already wet and already mine.


	19. Wood

_All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization._

**_the last._**

* * *

I stood up, brushing my hands off. That was the last box. Everything else was either in the new house or packed into the truck, ready to go.

Alice dawdled in the doorway, a glass of juice in her hand. Neither of us had been as emotional as I'd expected, probably because we both knew we'd still see each other all the time. I'd no longer be living with her and Rose – they were getting a new place of their own at the end of the month – but we'd all still be going to school together. Plus, I'd scored a job for Alice at Whole Foods. She started the following week.

"You ready?"

I nodded, taking one last look around my room. All of my posters were down. I'd done my best to touch up the walls, feeling a little guilty that my penchant for decorating had left it marked. I'd been really picky about which posters and pictures came with me and which ones got the boot. Then there were the ones I'd keep for sentimental reasons, but wouldn't put up out of respect for Edward. He said he didn't mind, but I did. I wanted our new place to be our new place, not Bella's new place.

I picked up the box and carried it out to the truck, where Edward and Emmett were rearranging everything to make sure it all fit.

"One more," I said, resting the box on the edge of the tail gate.

Edward glanced over his shoulder. "Just leave it there; I'll get it."

"'kay." I walked back inside and got a bottle of water from the fridge before hugging Alice. "I'll be back tomorrow to vacuum and stuff, okay?"

She waved me off. "No worries. Just go do what you need to do."

I nodded, sighing. This apartment had been the location of so many good times for us, so many memories, conversations, movie nights and dinners together. I'd miss it.

Surprisingly Rose had been the slightly sad one. She was at work, and had said her goodbyes early in the morning before going in to the restaurant. She blamed it on PMS, but I suspected her heart was softer than she liked to admit.

Edward appeared just inside the front door, wiping his arm across his face. "You about ready to head out?"

His t-shirt was all dirty and his jeans were old and honestly, I just wanted to drag him into the brand new bathroom at our brand new house and have some good old fashioned clean up time with him. I loved when he was dirty. I'd have to tell him that.

I decided to, later.

"Yeah, I'm ready." I quickly drank my water and tossed the bottle, and then gave Alice one last hug. "House warming as soon as we're set up," I whispered.

Edward was so into privacy; he wasn't too keen on the idea of having a housewarming party but I wanted one. Nothing big or fancy, just an intimate gathering of our closest friends.

"Okay," Alice whispered back, smiling knowingly. "Call me."

I sat between Emmett and Edward in the cab of the truck. They were tired. Edward especially looked worn out.

"You okay?"

He nodded, running his hand through his hair. "Hungry."

"Me too. Genova's?"

"Hell yeah," he said, his spark returning with the mention of food.

* * *

"Remember the first time we kissed?" I asked him.

We were in the bathtub. I was washing his hair.

"Yep."

"What did you think of me?"

"I don't know if I was doing too much thinking…"

I flicked his ear and he cringed, twisting around to grin at me.

"I know what I was thinking," I said, bringing cupfuls of water up to rinse the shampoo out of his hair.

"What?"

"I was so attracted to you. You made me nervous."

"Why?"

"You just did. You seemed so much more experienced… and you were hot."

"Hm."

I gave him a small nudge and finished washing my own hair. "I'm going to need the shower in a minute. I can't rinse properly like this."

"Okay."

I stood up and switched sides with him, inching through the water to where the faucet was.

The water felt so good. Edward had installed a really powerful shower head, one we could adjust depending on what we wanted.

I felt him in front of me, close. My eyes opened.

He gazed down at me, water dripping down his face and off of his eyelashes.

"I like you in the shower," I said.

He smiled.

"But I really like when you're dirty."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm. When you've been working all day, and you're in work clothes. It kind of makes me want you."

"Sounds very romance novel."

"What do you know about romance novels?" I laughed, turning around to turn the water off.

He grabbed me when I turned back around, kissing me.

We got out and dried off, watching one another. Silly smiles. He was so much more open now, much more than he had been a year ago.

Had it only been a year?

On one hand it had flown by. But on the other, it felt like we'd known each other forever.

Bed. I loved his bed. Loved how high it was off the ground, the cherry wood it was made from, the design in the headboard. He'd let me choose new bedding, but I loved his bed. I thought about my first night, and morning, in this bed. Thought about the things he'd done to me.

The things he'd do to me. That I'd do to him. With him.

"Where are you?" he teased, crawling into the sheets with me.

"I'm here…just thinking."

He nodded. He knew. He always knew.

This room had the prettiest sunlight at this time of day.

"I love making love in the day," I said, sighing when he slid inside.

He looked down at me, his pretty green eyes ever greener in the sun. "I love making love with you."

* * *

_sigh. and that's that._

_can i just say, that you guys have really made my day with reviews? i read them when i can - it's still sort of a jumble with them coming so belatedly (half the time i just visit the site itself so i can see them here). i know i haven't really been responding this time around; it's too hard when i do daily updates. but i read and love each and every comment. not everyone reviews, so those of you that do ROCK. ;)_

_til next time..._

_xoxo_


	20. Frenzy, a future take

_**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. This plot right here...I'd say it belongs to me. No copyright infringement intended.**_

_**This is for the girls who love Air's Edward. And, because, part of me will always love him, too.**_

_**Takes place about a month or 2 after the original story ended.**_

* * *

_**i decided to do it via today's WitFit prompt:**_

_**Word Prompt: **Frenzy_

**Plot Generator—Phrase Catch: **Tell it like it is.

Repeat the phrase to yourself five times, open a blank word document and begin.

* * *

Candles and lanterns.

We'd finally gotten electricity, and Bella wanted candles and lanterns for the housewarming. What she hadn't bought my sister had supplied, happily helping saturate the place with every decorative lighting option known to man. They rushed around now, lighting things with the safety matches they'd found in the kitchen.

I'd stopped smoking...really stopped...so all of my lighters were gone.

Not that I couldn't use a smoke right now. I didn't really relish the thought of having our home invaded by people, even if they were people we loved.

I wanted quiet, maybe a little dinner. Maybe a little Bella.

But she wanted this, so, here we were.

She brushed by, looking around. "I think that's it."

"Yup. You got 'em all."

Cutting her eyes at me, she sighed. "You could at least pretend to be excited."

"Pretend?" I chuffed quietly. "You must have me confused with someone else."

"Must," she agreed, kissing me just long enough for me to start to kiss her back, though a knock at the door put an end to that. "Thanks," she whispered, her palm to my cheek.

She didn't say for what. She didn't have to.

* * *

A couple of hours and several beers into the night, and I was fine. I watched Bella show people around, her cheeks pink with pride. And happiness.

That made me proud. And happy.

"Place looks great, man." Marcus stood beside me, nodding as he looked around.

"Thanks."

"It's about time." He sipped his drink, crunched his ice. "You've been talking about building for years."

"I was waiting," I agreed. "For the right time."

"And the right girl," he said, smirking, eyes following Bella. "Tell it like it is."

I watched him watch her, knowing exactly what he saw. He didn't hide his approval, and while I couldn't say I liked that, I knew it was just the way he was.

"Probably," I said, after a moment.

"Definitely." He clinked his glass to my bottle and moved on, zeroing in on some other girl I didn't know.

Bella had wanted _finger foods_, but I'd put my foot down on that. If we were going to eat, I wanted to _eat. _Outside, we kicked it old school with a grill and an in-ground fire pit with built in benches. Burgers, steaks, and veggies on skewers. Potatoes and fresh salmon.

Riley grinned when he saw me. "S'up, man of the house?"

I gave him a look and shoved him aside, grabbing the tongs so I could check on the progress of the steak. Bella liked hers medium rare, and I didn't want it getting overcooked.

Riley snatched the tongs back, making a face. "I got it, I got it. Relax. Go mingle."

"Do I look like the mingling type?"

"Not really, but you can pretend."

"Were you talking to Bella?"

"About what?"

"Never mind." I finished my beer and tossed the bottle, contemplated getting another. One of the coolers were near the fire pit. Carmen and Kate lounged there, talking and roasting marshmallows.

"Excuse me, ladies," I said, easing past them to get to the cooler.

"Hey, Edward," Carmen said, touching my arm in greeting.

I popped open my bottle. "Hey. How's it going?"

"Good." She pulled her marshmallow from the fire, blowing the flame out. "Your house is amazing. I knew you were good, but I have to say...I'm impressed."

"Thanks," I said, and I meant it. Having my own house had been a dream of mine for years; building it myself had been another. "Have you gotten the tour?"

"Nope." She grinned, standing. "You should give me one."

Kate caught my eye as she got to her feet. I'd never said anything to her about Carmen's little crush, but she'd noticed. I could tell. She'd known Carmen even longer than I had. "You seen Garrett?"

"Kitchen."

"Thanks," she said, zipping her hoodie.

More people had arrived, and now things were a little crowded. It was still pretty mellow, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to an empty house later.

Carmen followed me from room to room as I showed her around. She asked questions about random things, and when we hit the bedroom, she pushed her way inside. I paused in the doorway, glancing around as I flipped the light switch. I hadn't really planned on showing this room off. It was private; it was mine...ours. The bed was made only because Bella had insisted on it. She always made the bed.

"This is a great color," Carmen said, running her finger over the wall.

It was nice, a pale, pale shade caught between purple and grey. "Bella chose it."

She turned. "Who's Bella?"

I watched her carefully, wondering if she was bullshitting me. How had she shown up tonight and not known who Bella was? I got that, despite going way back, we didn't really run in the same circles these days, but really?

"My girlfriend."

Yeah, there was no faking Carmen's surprise. "I didn't know you were dating someone," she said, coming back toward the door.

"It's been a year," I said. "She lives here."

"No shit." She looked almost affronted. "Didn't think you were the type."

I didn't bother to ask her what that meant. Shutting the bedroom door, I led her back down the hall.

* * *

Kate, Garrett and Riley stayed late, helping us clean up. When the last bag of trash was tied off and the dishwasher started, they headed out, saying their goodbyes and promising to see us soon.

I was in the shower when I felt a draft. Smiling, I waited for Bella's touch. She always joined me in here.

"Hey."

"Hey." She touched my chest and dragged her fingers down to my stomach.

"Have fun?" I asked, wiping the water from my eyes so I could open them.

"Yeah." She smiled, biting her lip. "Did you?"

"Yeah." I reached out, pulling her close so I could kiss her.

And so I could feel her against me.

* * *

_Bella_

* * *

I was wiped out. Yawning. I couldn't wait to fall into bed, snuggle up and sleep. It was the best bed, too.

But I'd been sneaking peeks at Edward all night, watching him travel in and out of the house, stoic, with the ever-present beer bottle in hand. I watched him talk to people and listen, his eyes drifting to find mine every now and then. His relaxed demeanor just made me want him more, and by the time people started leaving I was ravenous for a touch, a taste.

I knew he'd done this just for me. He hadn't been thrilled when I'd told him about my desire for a housewarming get-together – I wouldn't call it a party – but he'd given in quick, cajoled by a massage and a blow job, and promises that I'd handle everything.

In the end, he'd insisted on grilling and all that, but I'd planned everything else. I couldn't help it. Besides the apartment with Alice and Rose, I'd never had a home like this. At first I'd thought that it would always feel like Edward's, but once my stuff was put away, and the first night became the first week, I realized that it felt, truly, like home. Our home.

"So can we turn the lights on now?" he teased, sliding his soapy hands to my breasts.

"We have the lights on in here, don't we?" I said, sounding a little breathier than I'd intended.

"Because I turned them on."

"I liked the lanterns and candles. Gave everything a nice, warm finish."

Smiling faintly, he closed his eyes, slippery fingers pinching gently at my nipples. "I can give you a nice, warm finish, too."

Tired and ticklish, and very in the mood, I squirmed away from his double entendres. "I bet. Let me finish up in here and I'll let you."

He dropped a kiss on my mouth and got out, leaving me on my own. I tapped the almost empty bottle of shower gel on my open palm, impatient to get out and join Edward. We'd been busy over the past couple of days, running around and getting things done with school and work and the house. I missed him.

I lathered and rinsed, and combed out my hair. I dried off, brushed my teeth, and downed a glass of water.

And made it to bed right in time to see Edward fast asleep.

Sighing, I tossed my phone onto the dresser and pulled a shirt from the drawer. My pre-sex anticipation fizzled into antsy boredom, and, abruptly wide awake, I grabbed a book, turned off the light, and went into the kitchen.

* * *

The couch in the living room had become one of my favorite reading spots. I liked it especially because it was beside a window, and on nights like this I could see city lights glittering in the distance.

Popping the last of a brownie into my mouth, I turned another page in my book. It was good, and I was engrossed, but when a familiar hand swept my hair from my neck I put it down and looked up.

Edward stood above me, wearing just boxers. The unexpectedness made my heart flutter and skip. He came around, settling on the far end of the couch, cupping his hand around my ankle.

He was quiet awhile, rubbing his other hand over his face. I watched him, admiring the angles, planes and curves of his body.

"No panties?" he asked after awhile, and I realized he'd turned his attention to the place where the bottom of my t-shirt grazed my skin.

I shook my head. "Not after my shower."

"How long was I out?"

I glanced at the clock. "Hour or so."

"Sorry." His hand slid up and down my calf. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You were worn out." I shrugged. "I didn't want to bother you."

"Sex is never a bother."

"Neither is sleep."

"It bothers you," he said, his gaze lazy, finger tips tickling.

God, he looked good. He always did. I'd always want this, want him.

"Only because I wanted to be with you," I said, watching his hand.

He nodded, parting my legs with his hands. I felt exposed. I knew that he could see me, and that he liked that. I started to sit up straight, but he pulled my legs a little, pulling me closer, and then shifted so that he was between. He touched me, sliding his finger inside, but I wasn't that wet. Not yet.

"Come here," he murmured, shifting off of the couch. Kneeling on the ground, he maneuvered my legs onto his shoulders and kissed his way up my thighs to the juncture between.

I moaned when he got there, closing my eyes to the frenzy of feeling. He was good at this, good at making me feel good and fast, and I could feel myself getting wetter. When he added his fingers I grabbed at the couch, shoving the cushions aside.

I'd never look at this couch the same way again, that was for sure.

I came hard, grabbing his ears as I rode it out. It had been days, but the build up had been worth it. He sat up, wiping his mouth with a smirk. "Did you just grab my ears?"

"Yes," I said, unabashed, locking my feet around his waist so that I could bring him closer. He let me, positioning himself so we were lined up.

This.

This second I loved.

The second he went from being beside me to being inside me.

It was my favorite.

He thrust so thoroughly I kind of squeaked, not expecting him to go so hard so fast.

"You okay?" he asked, reaching down to brace himself.

"Yeah," I panted, voice shaky.

And I was. So okay.

He slowed down after a minute. "I don't want to come," he whispered, leaning down to kiss me. I slid my tongue into his mouth, not wanting him to come yet, either.

We didn't last long, though. We never did when we waited.

This.

This second: another favorite. Watching him come, the look on his face when his walls came down, utter and complete vulnerability. His eyes squeezed shut, and he groaned, seeming like he was on the precipice of pain, it felt so good.

I ran my fingers through his hair, kissing his face when he rested it against mine. My position on the couch had grown uncomfortable, but I allowed him a minute, knowing that if he was tired before, this had just annihilated him.

He looked down at me, smiling crookedly. "Now you can go back to your book."

"Nah, I'll come to bed," I said, shaking my head.

His pretty green eyes searched mine, and then, like he'd found whatever he was searching for, he closed them again, a peaceful little smile mellowing out his face.

After a moment he pulled out and got to his feet, grabbing my hand so that I'd follow.

I tugged him to a stop, turning the lamp off, glancing out at the dark, dark night, at the stars and the twinkle of a city by the bay.

* * *

**_much love to joy, my sanchita runtagua._**

**_and the very fine michelle (lovescuppycakecollins). and the sweet nic (kennedy nicole)._**

**_and Glinda Good Witch-Oz, Sharon Henderson, Cejsmom Twifan, Any AnyAny, Ana Masen, Christina Gibbins, Mss L Masen, and all of the the other girls who showed Air so much love. i appreciate the kindness and encouragement. you ladies rock, and i hope this tiny glimpse into this E & B's future does not disappoint._**

**_xoxo_**


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